Each experience that one has in life is going to play a part in how they feel. In some cases, how one feels will reflect what has taken place and at other times, it won’t. And this is because what has happened externally has triggered feelings from the past.

This inner experience could relate to something that happened a few weeks ago or even a few years. This shows that there is a least two factors when it comes how one feels when something happens in their life. And what will also play a part in both of these factors is how one’s mind interprets what takes place.

Emotional Experience

And regardless of what factors are involved when it comes to why one feels as they do, at times one is going to feel good and at times they are going to feel bad. There also are going to be moments where they experience both sides of the spectrum.

This means that one is going to have moments in their life where they want to embrace how they feel and moments where they don’t want to embrace how they feel. It is human nature to avoid pain and so, this is to be expected.

The ideal

However, although one is not going to experience feelings that are always pleasurable, there are going to be times when they will need to hold the experience within them, this means that one is not reacting to how they feel and neither are they denying how they feel.

This will then give one to chance to decide how their feelings are going to shape their actions. This doesn’t mean that one will never react to how they feel or deny how they feel; there are inevitably going to be times when it is not possible or even necessary for one to hold their experience.

Emotionally Aware

In order for one to do this, they’re going to need to be aware of how they feel. And as well as being aware, one will need to be able to regulate their emotional experience. Being aware is one thing, but if ones emotions are out of control, it won’t matter how aware they are.

When this ability doesn’t exist, there is the chance that one will end up reacting to how they feel and/or doing everything they can to change how they feel. So if one is aware of how they feel and they are able to regulate how they feel, it is likely to mean that they take responsibility for their feelings.

Emotionally Unaware

However, if one is not aware of how they feel and is also unable to regulate how they feel, it is likely to be normal for them to react to their feelings and/or to repress them in some way. There is then less chance of one being able to take responsibility for how they feel.

It is then going to be normal for one to blame other people for how they feel and they can end up being highly judgmental. This is something that can happen out of one’s awareness and although other people might wonder how they could be unaware of what is happening, they’re unable to see what is taking place.


When one holds their emotional experience within them, they’re accepting how they feel. This means that how they feel is not labelled as being bad or that they shouldn’t feel as they do.

However, when one is unable to do this and ends up labelling how they feel, there is a strong chance that they will end up repressing how they feel. And while this could be a one off, it could also be a way of life.

Blaming Others

So when one is in a position where they’re not aware of what is taking place within them, it is going to appear as though other people are causing them to feel a certain way. This could cause one to engage in behaviour that is abusive and they could end up feeling like a victim.

Their lack of awareness is then causing them to ham other people and to harm themselves. But based on their level of awareness, their outlook reflects the truth and they’re playing no part in how they feel.

Judging Others

Now, while it is often said that being judgmental is a bad thing, it is part of one’s ability to survive. However, when one represses how they feel and is no longer aware of what they have repressed, it can cause them project their issues onto other people.

Consciously they are unaware of what is taking place, but what they are judging in other reminds them of something they have disowned within themselves. This could relate to something they have repressed for many years and they have then forgotten that they have forgotten.

Emotional Build Up

So whether one is blaming other people for how they feel or judging someone else’s behaviour, it can be a sign that they’re unaware of what is going on at an emotional level. And if one has allowed their emotions to build up over the years, it is going to be difficult for them to contain their emotions.

There is the chance that one is not only holding onto emotions from their adult years but also from their childhood years. And this is going to make it difficult for them to be aware of their emotions and to regulate them.


For one to own how they feel, it is going to be important for them to gradually form a relationship with their emotions. If this is too painful, then one might need to work with a therapist or some kind of healer.

And then if one has trapped emotions, they can be released and one can begin to increase their emotional awareness in the process. Through doing this, one will gradually develop their ability to regulate how they feel and this will allow them to contain their emotional experiences when it is necessary.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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