If a man is in a relationship with a woman who is undermining him, he could have at least one friend who finds it hard to accept why he doesn’t cut his ties with her. Over the days, weeks and perhaps months that he has been with her, this friend might have had a number of conversations with him.

But, although they will have made it clear that this woman is not good for him and he himself might have also agreed, it won’t have had much of an impact. Instead, he will have continued to put up with what is going on.

His Experience

What can be normal is for him to be put down, controlled, walked over and treated like he is nothing. Based on how she treats him, it is going to be clear that she is not in a good way mentally or emotionally or else she wouldn’t behave in this way.

If she was a together human being, she would simply make it clear that he is not right for her and would be happy for the relationship to end. What wouldn’t interest her is making another person’s life a misery.

A low Place

When it comes to what he was like when he first met her, he is likely to have been radically different to what he is like now. As things stand, he might not have the strength or even the desire to end the relationship thanks to how worn down he is.

This is something that the people in his life could be only too aware of, with them being deeply concerned about his mental and emotional health. Due to what is going on for him, unless something happens, his life might need to get a lot worse before it gets better.

Stepping Back

It would be easy to say, at this point, that he has just happened to end up with a woman who has gradually pulled him down. He is then powerless and the woman is the one who has all of the power.

However, although this may appear to be the case, what if there is far more to it than this? What if he had already been undermined before he met this woman and how this woman is treating him is simply a continuation of how he was treated before?

One Response

Upon hearing this, he could say that this isn’t true as his last relationship was very different to his current relationship. Then again, this might have been his first relationship and so he won’t have another one to compare it with.

Still, even if his last relationship was different, it doesn’t mean he hasn’t been heavily undermined at another stage of his life. But, as this might relate to a stage of his life that has been blocked out, he won’t have been able to join the dots, so to speak.

Going Deeper

If he was able to remember some of what took place during his early years, he might see that this was also a time when he was undermined. This could show that his mother was anything but maternal.

Throughout this time, she might have often verbally put him down, physically harmed him and neglected him. A time in his life, then, when he needed to be loved and supported in order to grow and develop in the right way, would have been a time when he was deeply deprived.

An Analogy

He would then have been like a plant that needed water, the sun and perhaps support, until it was strong enough to support itself, but was rarely watered, exposed to the sun or supported. Not only this, the plant would have had to put up with being thrown around.

Along with how he was treated, if his father was around, he might have also been mistreated. If so, his father wouldn’t have been in a position to stand up for him, protect him or provide him with a healthy model of what it means to be a man.

The Foundations were laid

As a result of what he experienced at this stage of his life, he wouldn’t have developed a healthy view of himself or women. Furthermore, his need to be loved by his mother wouldn’t have disappeared.

A big part of him will have the need to be with a woman who is very similar to his mother so that he can finally be loved. On one level, it is not going to make sense for him to be pulled to a woman who is very similar to his mother as it will be clear that this will just cause him to be wounded all over again.

A Crazy Scenario

But, at a deeper level, this will be a way for him to struggle for the love that wasn’t provided all those years ago. At this level, he won’t realise that this stage of his life is over or that another woman is not his mother.

At this stage of his life, facing up to the fact that she couldn’t love him would have been too much for him to handle. So, for him to truly put the past behind him, he will need to face and work through the pain that he was unable to fully experience and ended up being repressed when he wasn’t loved all those years ago.


If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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