What can be normal is for someone to hide how they feel when they are around others. Then again, this can be something that takes place without them consciously choosing to do so.

Due to this, they can generally create the impression that everything is fine. Naturally, this is going to stop them from being able to receive the attunement and support that they need during the moments when they are not doing well.


But, if they don’t have a good connection with their own feelings, they might not be aware of the fact that they hide how they feel. Consequently, they can often feel down and not have much energy.

If they were to reflect on their life, they could come to the conclusion that they suffer from depression. The outcome of this is that they could end up going on medication.


What might also end up crossing their mind is that they often feel lonely. They might see that they don’t have many friends but, then again, it might not be this black and white.

There could be a number of people in their life and they could even have a big family. Yet, even if they do have a number of people in their life, they could find that they don’t feel close to them.

Opening Up

Now, if they were to imagine opening up about how they feel to some of the people in their life and fully showing up, they could end up feeling deeply uncomfortable. This can be a time when they will feel anxious and fearful.

If they were to explore why this is, they could find that they expect to be criticised and rejected. Therefore, in order for them to not be a target and be accepted, they will need to hide themselves and put on an act.

What’s going on?

Now, as having feelings and not always feeling good is part of the human experience, it can seem strange as to why they would be this way. They should feel comfortable expressing how they feel and expect to be supported by the people in their life.

If they were to look back on their life, what could stand out is that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. They might then believe that they were simply born this way.

A Closer Look

What this might illustrate is that their developmental years were not very nurturing. One or both of their parents might have been emotionally shut down and often been cruel.

A stage of their life, then, when they needed attunement and love would have been a time when they were greatly undermined. Instead of being able to freely express themselves, they would have had that need to protect themselves.

How It Was

So, throughout this stage of their life, if they expressed how they felt, they might have often ended up being put down and humiliated. This might have also often happened when they didn’t express how they felt and simply expressed a need, for instance.

As time passed, they would have come to believe that it wasn’t safe for them to be real and would have gradually lost touch with their true self. This would have been something that automatically took place, as opposed to something that they consciously chose to do.

The Other Side

The trouble is that although how they were treated was not a reflection of their own worth or lovability, it would have been personalised. The outcome of this is that they would have come to believe that they were worthless and unlovable and that their needs and feelings were bad.

In reality, how their parent, or parents, treated them is likely to be a reflection of how wounded they were. Their parent’s ability to empathise might have been damaged, which would then explain why they were able to be cruel and see them suffer but not feel bad and have the need to change their behaviour.

In A Bad Way

As, if they had been able to connect to the pain that they were in, their child, and felt this pain, they wouldn’t have been able to continually harm them. They would have ended up feeling guilty and ashamed.

But, due to them being in a disconnected and unfeeling state, they were able to behave in a destructive way and be oblivious to the damage that they were causing. Most likely, their early years were a time when they were treated in the same way or way that was very similar and ended up being becoming shut down and unfeeling to handle what took place.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis cover all aspects of human transformation; including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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