In today’s world, if someone is depressed, it is often seen as a sign that they are not in a good way. As a result of this, they can end up going on medication or be encouraged to develop a number of goals.

If the former takes place, they might not end up feeling great but they might be able to carry on as normal. As for the latter, they can end up experiencing an inner shift and find that their mood gradually changes.

Looking Back

Before they were depressed, however, they might have had a lot of energy and been fairly driven. But, for some reason, this would have been a thing of the past and they wouldn’t have been able to experience life in the same way.

Now, even though they might want to return to how they were before, even if they are now able to function again, it doesn’t mean that this would be in their best interest. Not being able to function as they did before could be a good sign.

Delaying the Inevitable

And, if they are now back on their feet and are behaving in a way that is similar to how they were before, it might not be long until they are unable to function again. The reason for this is that their drive may be coming from their unconscious need to be loved by their parents.

If this is the case, without knowing it, they will be trying to receive the love that they missed out on during their formative years. Their drive is then going to be coming from their need to avoid their early reality and the pain that they experienced when they were not loved.

A Closer Look

From outside of their awareness, a part of them will believe that if they achieve fill-in-the-blank, they will finally be loved. This will fill them with drive before they have achieved something.

And, to avoid feeling the helplessness and hopelessness that they experienced when they were not loved very early on once they have achieved it, they will need to soon find another goal to achieve. As they have recently felt depressed, it could show that their ability to block out how they feel deep down is not as effective as it once was.

Stepping Back

With this in mind, on the one hand, they are not going to want to be depressed, and, on the other, being depressed can allow them to gradually end their struggle for the love that is not available and receive the love that is. For this to happen, they will need to not see being depressed as a bad thing but see it as a sign that they need to explore what is taking place inside them.

Their being will be sending them a clear message and it will be a good idea for them to pay attention to it. Ignoring what is going on inside them, by taking something or finding another goal to achieve, for instance, won’t allow them to transform their life.

Looking Deeper

If they were to reflect on the fact that they have been trying to receive the love that they missed out on during their formative years, they could find this hard to understand. They could say that this stage of their life is well and truly behind them and that they were loved.

This stage of their life will be behind them but the pain that they experienced and repressed won’t be. As for them being loved, their brain will have blocked out what took place in order to allow them to keep it together and function.

A Brutal Time

Throughout this stage of their life, they might have often been neglected and perhaps physically harmed. This could show that both of their parents were emotionally unavailable and unable to truly be there for them.

At this stage of their life, it would have been too painful for them to accept that they would not be loved, so they had to disconnect from a number of their needs and feelings. Along with this, as they were egocentric, they would have believed that they were the problem and so, if they struggled, they would finally be loved.

A Defence

Since that stage of their life, in a number of different ways, they will have been trying to receive the love that their parent or parents were unable to give them. When they feel depressed, this will be the experience that they would have had when they were able to face reality as a child.

Therefore, for them to no longer look for the love that they will never receive, they will need to face and work through the pain that they were not strong enough to face as a child and had to repress. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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