Early Deprivation: Can Someone’s Unmet Developmental Need To Be Cared For Cause Them To Act Helpless?

What someone may find, if they were to step back and reflect on their life, is that they haven’t been able to get it together, so to speak. So, unlike their friends, they could often struggle for money and have a job that is anything but fulfilling.

Additionally, they could often be in a dysfunctional relationship and need a friend or a family member to essentially rescue them. This can then involve another person helping them to leave and even giving them somewhere to live, for instance.

Out of Balance

When it comes to the people in their life, most of them could be more like parental figures than friends. This could mean that most of their friends are quite a bit older than them or it might not.

These people can often tell them what to do and how they need to live their life. From this, it will be clear that most of the people in their life don’t see them as someone who is capable of making their own decisions and living their own life.

A Tedious Existence

Due to how they live, they could be sick and tired of not being able to stand on their own two feet and act like an interdependent adult. What might enter their mind is that other people have something that they themselves don’t have.

Other people will then have control over their life and be able to create a fulfilling life but they won’t have much control or this ability. What can play a part here is that they may have struggled over the years to change their life and not been able to make much progress.

A natural outcome

So, if they have taken action over the years and have not been able to get very far, it is going to be perfectly normal for them to be this way. They might even wonder if someone or something ‘out there’ is holding them back.

With what is going on, they are likely to feel helpless and hopeless and they could believe that their life will stay this way forever. Before long, they could go back to living their life and they might soon need to be rescued by their family or friends.

What’s going on?

Now, taking into account what their life is like and how much it is causing them to suffer, it could be said that they are totally powerless. However, what if part of them is causing them to experience life in this way?

If they were to hear this, they could experience a strong reaction and say that this is not possible. Of course, they are suffering, so why would they say anything else?

Going Deeper

Nonetheless, what they will need to keep in mind is that they don’t begin and end with their conscious mind or conscious sense of themselves. Along with this part of them, they also have an unconscious mind.

Therefore, while the life that they lead is causing them to suffer, there is a strong chance that another part of them is benefitting from what is taking place. If this other part of them wasn’t getting something from what is going on, their life would be different.

Confusion

If their mind is still open at this point, they could wonder how the life that they lead could be serving another part of them. When it comes to this other, hidden part of them, it contains unmet developmental needs, pain and part of themselves that have been rejected, among other things.

With this in mind, what they may find is that experiencing life in this way is a way for them to try to meet a need that was seldom met during their early years. This may have been a time when one or both of their parents were emotionally unavailable and unable to truly be there for them.

Replaying the past

Thus, by them not being in their power and able to stand on their own two feet, it is a way for them to finally meet their unmet developmental need to be cared for. But, as this need and what is taking place will have been outside of their conscious awareness, they won’t have been able to join the dots, so to speak.

The part of them that is still trying to be cared for won't realise that they are no longer a child or that other people are not their parents. Thanks to this, it will continually cause them to sabotage their life in the hope that their parent or parents will finally look after them.

Self-Liberation

In addition to the impact that this as well as other unmet development needs is having on them, there will be the impact that being deprived had on them. Not receiving what they needed would have prevented them from being able to develop a felt sense of belonging, power, worth and lovability.

Facing and working through pain and experiencing their unmet developmental needs will be an essential part of what will allow them to gradually change their life. This will take courage, patience, and persistence.

Awareness
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If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.