Even though someone will exist and, thus, will be able to be seen and heard by others, it doesn’t mean that they will typically feel seen and heard. If they were to think about how they generally experience life, it could be as if they are not real.

When they are around others, then, it could be normal for them to not be looked at and what they say might seldom have much of an impact either. Having these experiences is naturally going to be very frustrating.

Emotional State

If they were to think about how they feel after something like this has taken place, they could find that they feel angry and hopeless and helpless. They are then going to be in a very low place.

But, as they will desperately want to be seen and heard and this rarely takes place, it is to be expected that this would be a familiar experience. And, if they don’t feel this way, they could be in a place of hope.

Playing a Role

However, if they were to reflect on how they often behave around others, they may find that who they are is often hidden. What this means is that they will often hide their feelings and needs and come across in a way that will hopefully allow them to be accepted.

So, they could often come across as though everything is fine; when in reality, they could feel deeply unhappy and need a lot of emotional support. Being this way won’t allow them to truly connect to another or others and it will be a very lonely experience.

Together Alone

Most if not all of the people in their life might not realise that they are not being authentic. What this might illustrate is that these people are also out of touch with themselves and are putting on an act.

Therefore, when they are around someone like this, their false self will be interacting with another person’s false self. The outcome, of course, is that two people won’t truly be seen and will just be putting on a performance.

Inner Conflict

Considering this, although part of them will want to be seen, another part of them won’t want to be seen. If this wasn’t the case, there would be no reason for them to put on an act and they would open up about what is really going on for them.

What can back this up is that, if they were to think about how they behave around others, they might see that they often don’t hold eye contact with others or speak very loudly. If so, this will be another way for them to make sure that they are not seen.

What’s going on?

After becoming aware of this, they could wonder why they don’t feel comfortable being seen. If they felt comfortable being seen, their life would be radically different.

They could find that they have experienced life in this way for as long as they can remember. What this could then show is that, during their formative years, they had at least one parent who lacked the ability to see them as a separate individual, who had their own needs and feelings.

Back In Time

At this stage of their life, they needed to be seen as an individual who had their own needs and feelings, so that they could develop a strong sense of self. This would have allowed them to develop a felt sense of worth and lovability and to feel comfortable enough to freely express themselves.

But, if at least one of their parents was unable to attune to their needs and feelings and acknowledge their existence, they would have been deprived of what they needed to grow and develop in the right way. As a result of this, their feelings would have largely been overlooked as would most of their needs, with them feeling unseen and unheard.

No Choice

This would have wounded them, with them feeling worthless, unloved, alone, hopeless and helpless. Yet, as they were powerless and totally dependent, they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on.

Their only option was to adapt to what was going on and develop a disconnected false self. This self wouldn’t have allowed them to be seen or heard but it would have allowed them to survive.

The Other Side

Additionally, if they did express how they felt or a need, they might have been verbally put down and/or rejected by this parent. By having these experiences, they would have come to believe that their needs and feelings were bad and if they did express themselves, they would be humiliated and/or rejected.

When it comes to why this parent was unable to attune to them and provide them with the love that they needed, there is a strong chance that they were in a very bad way and even had a personality disorder. Due to this, they would have unconsciously projected their own disowned darkness into them and been unable to truly see them.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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