Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Give Someone The Tendency To Cheat?

If someone is in a relationship, they might have recently shared their body with another or had an affair. Now, this might not be the first time that this has taken place.

Not too long ago, they might have behaved in the same way. However, even if this is the first time that this has taken place with the person they are with, they might have done the same thing with their ex.

Inner Conflict

If they were to reflect on why they have behaved in this way, what could enter their mind is that the other person hasn’t been there for them. They might then have felt ignored and lonely before they behaved in this way.

Then again, it might be that they ‘love’ the person they are with but are not sexually attracted to them. Therefore, by going with another person, it allowed them to meet the needs that are not being met otherwise.

Not A one-off

Due to the situation they are in, then, it might not be long until they cheat again or have another affair, that’s if they have already had one. If they are having an affair, they might even end up leaving their current partner and staying with them.

In fact, and if they don’t leave them, they could continually end up cheating, with them sharing their body with numerous people. This could end up taking place for a number of years.

External Feedback

If they have a trusted friend, they could tell them about what they are doing, and this friend could be supportive. This friend could say that if their partner is not meeting their needs, they are justified in looking elsewhere.

If this is the case, it could show that they themselves have also cheated in the past, and they might even be behaving in this way now. Having this support is likely to have a positive impact on them, giving them a greater sense that their behaviour is justified.

Another Scenario

Then again, they could talk to a trusted friend, and this friend could question why they are behaving in this way. So, if they are with someone who is emotionally unavailable, their friend could ask them why they are with them.
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Alternatively, if they are with someone who they are not sexually attracted to, they could ask them the same thing. If this takes place, they might not know what to say, or they could say that what they are doing is easier.

Stepping Back

Irrespective of whether they are asked why they stay with someone who is not a good match for them, they could end up stepping back and reflecting on this area of their life. During this time, they can wonder why they maintain the relationship they are in and don’t cut their ties with the other person.

If they are unaware of why this is, one thing that they can do is imagine that they cut their ties with them and are now free to find someone who is a good match for them. At first, they might feel relieved and more at peace, as they will no longer have to live a double life.

The Next Stage

But, it might not be long unit they start to very feel uncomfortable and have the need to go back to how things were. If they were to stay with this, they could find that they feel anxious and fearful and as though they have been rejected and abandoned.

After this, they could feel helpless and hopeless. What this will show is that cheating or having an affair will not only allow them to meet certain needs, but it will also allow them to keep how they feel at bay.

The Other Part

And, if they were to imagine being with someone who is a good match for them, they could also feel uncomfortable. What could enter their mind is that they are not worthy of being with someone like this and are unlovable.

Thus, they will either have to be with someone who is not right for them or they will have to be alone. It is then not a surprise that they are in a position where they are settling, as opposed to experiencing what is best for them.

What’s going on?

As confusing as this is, if they were able to go back in time and observe what it was like for them during their formative years, it might soon make sense. This may have been a stage of their life when they missed out on the attunement and care that they needed.

As a result, they would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded, which would have stopped them from being able to grow and develop in the right way. To handle not being able to securely attach to one or both of their parents, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs.

The Meaning

They would then have lost touch with their connected true self and formed a disconnected false self. Additionally, they would have come to believe that their needs and feelings were bad and that they were worthless and unlovable.

Many years will have passed of course, but how they adapted and the meaning that their underdeveloped brain made won’t have changed. So, as depriving as it will be for them to be with someone who is not available or who they are not sexually attracted to, this will serve as a secondary defence that keeps their pain at bay, and they won’t believe that they deserve better.
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Moving Forward

Furthermore, looking toward someone else as opposed to directly speaking to their partner about what is going on for them will also be a way for them to keep how they feel outside of their conscious awareness. With this in mind, for them to be with someone who is mentally, emotionally and physically right for them, they are going to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience.

This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.