Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Hide Their Needs?

What can be normal is for someone to focus on other people’s needs and ignore their own. This is something that can take place without them consciously choosing to behave in this way.

Apart from meeting their basic needs, then, they will have the tendency to overlook their other needs. And there may even be moments when they overlook their basic needs.

A Closer Look

In general, they can get enough sleep, eat, and exercise, but they can be about it. They can seldom, if ever, relax and recharge, be seen and heard, and receive affection, for instance.

Instead of being there for themselves and expressing their needs, they will be there for others and keep their needs to themselves. This is going to mean that they will be neglecting themselves.

Self-Neglect

As a result, they can often feel down and drained, lacking the energy that they need to be at their best. But as they will often overlook a number of their needs, this is not going to be a surprise.

If they are accustomed to feeling this way, though, they might be aware of how washed out they usually feel. However, it might not be long until they are unable to behave in this way, due to how exhausted they are.

External Feedback

Most of the people in their life might not realise how out of balance and drained they are, thanks to how caught up they are with their own needs. These people could just expect them to be there for them.

What this can show is that these people are very self-centred and see them as more like a parent than a friend. If this is the case, it is unlikely that these people will become aware of what is going on and encourage them to be there for themselves.

The Next Stage

The weeks, months and even years could pass, and they could arrive at the stage where they are unable to continue to behave in the same way. If so, they won’t have the energy or the desire to behave in a way that is not serving them.

Still, they could find that part of them feels the pull to be there for others and overlook their own needs. Not behaving in this way can cause them to feel anxious and guilty, and ashamed.

Stepping Back

After this, they can wonder why they have the need to overlook their needs and be there for others. As confusing as this will be, it can be a consequence of what took place during their formative years and the impact it had on them.

This may have been a stage of their life that was anything but nurturing, with them being greatly deprived and deeply wounded. Their mother and perhaps their father might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

Another part

Additionally, one or both of their parents might have seen them as nothing more than an object that was there to meet their needs. This parent might have been very needy and more like their child than their parent.

The outcome of this is that they would have missed out on the attunement and care that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Furthermore, they would have had to put a number of their own needs to one side and be there for one or both of their parents.

The Outcome

Instead of being able to stay connected to their needs and feelings, they would have been forced to lose touch with a number of their needs and feelings. They would have lost touch with their connected, true self and formed a disconnected and outer-directed, false self.

Along with this, as they were egocentric, they would have come to believe that their needs and feelings were bad and wrong that they had to focus on other people’s needs to survive. They would have also believed that they were worthless and unlovable.

Moving Forward

Now, this stage of their life will be over, of course, but a big part of them won’t realise this. To this part of them, focusing on others and ignoring themselves will be the only way for them to exist and avoid feeling guilty and ashamed.

For their life to change, they will need to reconnect to themselves and question what they believe. They are also likely to have pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.