Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Have A ‘Submerged Personality’?

What someone may find, if they were to step back and reflect on their life, is that they typically act as though they are an extension of others. Therefore, when they are around others, they can to do what they can to please them and be easy-going.

They are then going to ignore their own needs and they won’t assert themselves. So, although they will have their own self, it will be as if they are simply there to be who another person wants them to be.

A Frustrating Existence

Thanks to how they generally behave around others, they can be used to feeling fed up and low. But, as they will rarely if ever turn up around others, this is to be expected.

If they were happy about what is going on, it would be a sign that something is not right. What it would probably show is that they are completely estranged from their true self and are completely caught up in their false self.

It’s Still There

However, as things stand, they will have a weak connection to their true self, and this is what is causing them to feel fed up and low. If it wasn’t for this, their life would continue to go in the same direction and nothing would change.

Thus, as painful as it will be for them to be in this position, it will give them the chance to change their life. At this point, they can wonder why they generally behave this way when they are around others.

What’s going on?

Deep down, they are going to have the desire to freely express who they are and live a life that is in alignment with who they are. But, as things stand, this may appear to be nothing more than a pipedream.

Nonetheless, for them to gain a deeper understanding of why they behave in this way, it will be a good idea for them to use their imagination. By doing this, they will be able to understand what is going on for them at a deeper level.

An Exercise

So, if they were to imagine that they are with a friend or a number of friends and they are freely expressing themselves, they can end up feeling alive, free and empowered. They won’t have been in a prison before but it can feel as though they were and they will now be on the outside.

After a while, though, they can end up feeling very uncomfortable and have the need to fade into the background. This will then be a time when they focus on others and be who they think they want them to be.

A Strange Scenario

If they were to stay with this discomfort, they could find that they experience a fair amount of fear and anxiety, and guilt and shame. Along with this, they can have the sense that if they don’t change their behaviour, they will be criticised, humiliated, rejected, abandoned, and even harmed.

What this is likely to show is that they will believe that if they don’t hide themselves and play a role, they won’t be accepted and their life will come to an end. It is then going to be essential for them to be a non-entity and allow others to direct their life.

A Closer Look

If they have been this way for as long as they can remember, it is likely to show that their early years were not very nurturing. Their mother and perhaps their father might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

Not only this, but one or both of them might have been verbally abusive and perhaps physically harmed them. This would have caused them to miss out on the attunement and love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.

A Brutal Time

When they did assert themselves and express their needs, they are likely to have often been criticised, humiliated and rejected. At other times, this might not have happened but they might have ended up being isolated.

The outcome of this is that instead of being able to stay connected to their feeling, true self, they would have been forced to lose touch with this part of themselves and develop a disconnected and outer-directed false self. This would have involved them leaving their body and living in their head, which would have also caused them to lose touch with their aggression.

Introjected Parents

What took place at this stage of their life will be over but, as they were greatly deprived and deeply wounded, it won’t matter. Moreover, the parent or parents that they had will live inside them.

They might not always hear one or both of their voices or be aware of them, but their internalised parent or parents still exert a big influence on their behaviour. A big part of them will believe that if they go against them, they will be left and their life will come to an end.

Moving Forward

For them to be connected to their embodied true self and freely express themselves, they will have inner work to do. They will have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience.

This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.