What someone may find, if they were to spend time by themselves, is that they feel deeply alone. This is then not going to be a time when they are able to enjoy their own company; it will be a time when they have a strong need to be around another or others.

However, while this is something that they could realise if they were to spend time by themselves, it could also be something that they don’t allow themselves to experience. In this case, they can live their life in such a way as to make sure that they are rarely by themselves, and, even if they are, they could be distracted by one thing or another.


So, when someone is in this position, they are going to spend a lot of time around others and they might have spent most of their life in a relationship. It can then seem as though they are very sociable and like to be around others, but there will be far more to it.

Behind all this will be their fear of being alone. Being around others and engaging in other distractions will be a way for them to keep how they really feel at bay.


Still, as behaving in this way is likely to be normal and take place without them even thinking about it, there is going to be no reason for them to be aware of what is going on. Therefore, they are not going to be consciously choosing to avoid how they feel.

If they have ever become aware of how they feel, it could be because they have experienced a breakup. But, if they have become aware of how they feel, they could believe that this is due to what is going on externally.

The Source of the Problem

It is then not that what was going on externally has unlocked how they already feel; no, what is going on ‘out there’ will have been seen as the cause. As a result of this, they might have soon ended up in another relationship.

What is going on for them would then have been covered up once again. If they were a bottle, the people in their life would be the corks that stop what is inside the bottle from pouring out.

No More Running

Sooner or later, though, they might no longer be able to avoid what is taking place inside them. This could be because they are unable to find anyone else or because they are isolated for one reason or another.

During this time, along with feeling deeply alone, they could feel overwhelmed and as though their life is going to come to an end. Instead of feeling at ease in their own company, it will be as if the world is caving in on them.

The Next Step

If they were to reach out for support, they could be told that their ‘negative’ thoughts and beliefs are the issue. By replacing these thoughts and changing their beliefs, they will be able to settle down.

In other words, what is going on up top, so to speak, will be defining how they feel. Dealing with what is going on in their mind may allow them to appreciate their own company or it might not.

A Closer Look

Nonetheless, what if what is taking place in their mind is just a small part of what is going on? And, what if their ‘negative’ thoughts and beliefs are not solely defining how they feel?

At this point, they could wonder what is really going on for them and why they are unable to handle being alone. In order for them to find out what is going on for them, it is likely to be a good idea for them to reflect on their early years.

Back In Time

If they were to do this, what they might soon find is that this was a stage of their life when they were often left. Consequently, they would have been deprived of the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way and been deeply wounded in the process.

As they were powerless and totally dependent at this stage, they would have been overwhelmed with pain, and, to handle what was going on, their brain would have repressed how they felt. Many, many years will have passed since they were a child but a big part of them will be frozen in time.

The Outcome

Thanks to what is taking place for them at an emotional level, then, they will unconsciously project their past onto their present. They have already been left numerous times and felt as though they were going to die, but, this will be seen as something that is going to happen as opposed to something that has happened.

For them to put the past behind them and embrace the present moment, they are likely to have pain to face and work through. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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