In general, someone could spend a lot of time in doing mode, meaning that they will rarely if ever just be. And, if they were to take a step back and relax, they could soon end up feeling tense and agitated.

Thus, even if they were told that they need to slow down by a friend or a family member, for instance, this is not going to have much of an impact on them. Being on the go and doing things will be far less stressful than it will be for them to relax.

Taken out

If they were to slow down, though, it could be a sign that they are going through something that is fairly stressful. For example, they might have lost their job, lost a loved one or gone through a breakup.

This could end up being a time when they feel very low and are unable to behave in the same way. Still, before long, they might be able to get back on their feet again and carry on as normal.

Business As usual

As the days, weeks and months pass, it could seem as though what they went through didn’t happen. They might seldom think about what took place, either, with them being focused on a number of different goals and the future.

Due to this, some of the people in their life could see them as being strong and resourceful. Naturally, being seen in this way, that’s if they are, is going to have a positive effect on their self-image.

Another fall

Nonetheless, it might not be long until they have a very similar experience and this time, it might be a lot harder for them to get back up. Assuming that it was a breakup that took them out last time, it could be a breakup that has taken them out again.

At one moment, then, it can be as if they were at the top of a mountain and, at another, as if they are in a very deep hole. They can feel totally defeated and they might even think about ending their life.

A Struggle

If this is the case, the part of them that wants to carry on as normal is not going to be as strong as it was before. They will feel low and their will to live will have been diminished, immobilising them in the process.

As things stand, calling it a day can be seen as the only way for them to change their life. What this will illustrate is how far they have fallen and how hopeless and helpless they feel.

What’s going on?

Now, one way of looking at this would be to say that what has taken place has caused them to feel this way. This could be the truth; then again, there could be far more to it.

If there is far more to it, there is a chance that what took place has simply unlocked pain that was held inside their unconscious mind. This pain can be a consequence of what they experienced during their formative years.

A Closer Look

This may have been a stage of their life when they were deprived of the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. One or both of their parents might have been emotionally unavailable and unable to truly be there for them.

Not receiving what they needed would have deeply wounded them and they would have ended up repressing the pain they were in and their need to be loved. Nevertheless, they would have still struggled to be loved by their parent or parents.

A Defence

As they were egocentric and personalised what took place, they would have believed that if they behaved in a certain way and did the right things, they would finally be loved. But, as their parent or parents were unable to love them, it wouldn’t have mattered what they did.

Struggling for something that couldn’t be provided would have also been a way for them to keep how they felt at bay. This would have been a time when they often felt hopeless, helpless, worthless, unloved and unwanted.

The Connection

With this in mind, when they were in doing mode, they would have unconsciously been struggling for the love that they missed out on as a child. The hope of finally receiving this love would have filled them with drive.

After having a setback, they will have gotten to the point where they are no longer able to engage in this struggle. Being loved as an adult won’t make up for the love that they missed out on as a child but thanks to unconsciously seeing other people as parental figures, they won’t have understood this at an emotional level.

The Past Is Present

The hole that they have ended up in as an adult will be the hole that they were often able to avoid by struggling for something that was not attainable as a child. As a child, as they were powerless and totally dependent, there was absolutely nothing that they could do about what was going on.

As a result of this, no longer being alive would have been seen as the only way for them to change their life. Now that they are an adult, they have what it takes to face and work through this pain, which will play a big part in what will allow them to see that they don’t need to end their life in order to experience life differently.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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