Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Engage In Repetition Compulsion?

One or a number of areas of someone’s life might not be very fulfilling. The reason for this is that they might not have been able to make much progress, with them being stuck at the same level.

They might have been in this position for a number of months or years. There is even the chance that their life has been this way for as long as they can remember.

One Area

If it is one area of their life that is not going as they would like it to go, it can relate to their love life. So, they might have continually ended up with people who were emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

Consequently, when they were in a relationship, this would have been a time when they were deprived. It would then have been normal for them to feel frustrated, angry, worthless, drained and even helpless.

Not the Answer

If this is something that has only happened once, they might believe that next time it will be different. But, if they have been in this position on a number of occasions, they might doubt if this area of their life will ever change.

They could be at the point where they are ready or just about ready to turn their back on this area of their life. However, even if they are, their need to be in an intimate relationship is not going to disappear.

A Bleak Situation

If they were to think about why this area of their life is this way, what could cross their mind is that they are just unlucky. Furthermore, they could believe that this is just what men or women are like.

What may play a part in what they believe is that they may have done a lot of work on themselves over the years. For example, they might have worked on their ‘negative’ thoughts and beliefs and improved their appearance.

The Same Old Story

They will then have done the ‘right’ things but not a great deal will have changed. Taking into account what is going on for them, it is to be expected that they would feel fed up and question if their life will ever change.

Still, while it may seem as if they have no control over what is taking place in this area of their life, perhaps as well as other areas, what if there is far more to it? What if they are playing a part in what is going on?

Two Levels

If they can’t accept this, what they will need to keep in mind is that there is their conscious mind or conscious sense of themselves and, then, there is their unconscious mind. The former is smaller and far less powerful than the latter.

Most likely, this other, hidden part of them has an intention that is very different to the part of them that is not hidden. At this level, they can have the need to recreate what is was like for them as a child, in the hope that they will finally receive the love that they missed out on.

What’s going on?

If this is the case, it is likely to show that they were greatly deprived and deeply wounded during their formative years. Their mother and perhaps their father might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

This would have meant that they didn’t receive the attunement and care that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. To handle what happened, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs.

Another Element

Additionally, they would have come to believe that they were the problem and if they struggled, they would be loved. This would have given them hope - false hope – that made to easier for them to keep going.

Responding in this way would have been a way for them to avoid the sense of despair that they would have experienced and block out reality. If they had felt their feelings and accepted that their parent or parents couldn’t love them, they would have been overwhelmed with pain and their life might have come to an end.

It’s Futile

This stage of their life will be over and another person won’t be their parent, of course, but the part of them that is still looking for the love that they missed out on won’t realise this. The reason for this is that it has no sense of time and is blind.

If this wasn’t the case, they would be able to receive what they missed out on by unconsciously recreating what it was like for them as a child. Said another way, they would be able to make someone who is not available, available.

Going Round in Circles

But, as it is too late, they will simply end up with someone who is not able to love them and this will cause them to be deprived all over again. The feelings that they experienced as a child, that had to be repressed, will then be unlocked, pouring into their conscious mind.

For them to put an end to what is going on and no longer look for what they missed out on during their formative years, they will have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness
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If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.