We all hold on to that which we love, or that which we feel makes us secure. There is an innate fear of loss and change. It could even be said that our entire lives consist of a struggle to hold everything together.
We want things to be stable, remain exactly as they were.
When change comes each have different reactions to it. Some hold on even harder, try to stop it from happening.
They insist upon trying to control whatever is going on. Others feel crushed and saddened by the loss, feel they cannot go on. When things change, they feel they have failed somehow. Some refuse to move forward again.
These individuals live with the mistaken notion that they are in control of the universe, other people and how things go. Naturally, suffering must accompany that point of view.
There is another way, however, to live fully with the tides of change. That is to allow high tide to be high tide and low tide to be low. It is allowing each moment to be as it is, for someone to love us one moment and withdraw the next. As we see that it is just the next moment happening, and refuse to compare it with the one before, we realize that none of this is Personal. The changing moments, and the changing experiences of those we care for, do not reflect upon us.
If we are sailing in the ocean on a turbulent sea, it is not our fault if a large wave comes rolling over our boat. It is not our success if softer waves help us move along gently.
Let the universe be what it is, and let all those in it be as they are. Demanding stability, expecting only easy sailing itself causes suffering. Forget the suffering. Instead jump into the river and enjoy the ride!
Dr. Brenda Shoshanna is a long term Zen practitioner, psychologist, author, speaker and workshop leader. She focuses upon integrating Eastern and Western principles and practices and making them real in our everyday lives.
Brenda offers ongoing Zen talks and dialogues for Inisfada Zen Community, founded by Kennedy Roshi. She also offers a weekly podcast, ZEN WISDOM FOR YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE, (www.zenwisdomtoday.com).
Each week Brenda releases new Premium Audio Books, which include the teachings of Zen and mindfullness as they apply to all issues in our llives. Your Best Self, www.bestselfbooks.com
Over the years, Brenda has presented over 500 talks and workshops on all aspects of spiritual and psychological development and authentic peace of mind. Some of her books include, Zen and the Art of Falling in Love, Zen Miracles (Finding Peace in An Insane World, Just Grab the Dust Rag, (Confessions of a Deluded Zen Student), and many more.
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