Overcome the top 5 signs of being too needy, give your partner space and increase your attractiveness!

Neediness will kill the passion and attraction in your relationship. We all want to be cherished and desired in our relationship that makes us feel good but being needed and pampering to a lover’s insecurities does not feel good.

I’m sure most of us here have acted needy at times in some relationships and I’m sure most of us know what it feels like to give everything in a relationship and it not be reciprocated. Many men and women hire me for support to win their wife or husbands interest back. They are literally obsessed focused on trying to get every single move right and pampering to their spouses’ needs and the first thing I tell them to do is STOP!

STOP Trying so hard!

Being needy only pushes your spouse further away. The same goes for showing how much you wouldn’t be able to cope without them. You may think you are showing them love by demonstrating how much they mean to you, which is important they know you care but neediness will repel them further away. There are two ways I see men and women try to fight for a marriage; one of despair where fear takes over and a husband or wife is driven by neediness. The second is where a spouse acts with dignity, purpose and a positivity to get their marriage back on track or win back a husband or wife.

Here are some signs to see if you are being too needy and what to do about it if you are.

1. You’re Too Available For Them

You may have a lot of things going on but you will drop anything to be with them. Where you may put your plans on hold or say no to friends in the hope that they may be available for you.

We want to be part of our partner’s world but we do not want to be the centre of their whole universe.

It’s important to focus on your own personal goals as well. I’ve worked with men and women where they have put their friends, hobbies and even work on the back burner in case their spouse may be free. We become far more attractive when we lead our life in a direction we want and invite them along for the journey.

2. You Communicate Too Much

Sending thoughtful messages once a day or so is sweet and keeps the relationship alive. Texting “What are you up to?” every 10 minutes or needing to chat whenever you’re bored is not a good idea. Neither is getting annoyed or upset if they are not chatting back quickly enough.

You need to make sure that your communication remains a dialogue, not a monologue, otherwise, they will find it a chore to interact with you rather than a pleasure. If they associate communicating with you as negative this won’t help reviving passion and desire.

Am I making sense? Hope so.

Essentially your husband or wife needs to know that you’re not afraid to be without him or her. If they feel suffocated, they’ll want their space back.

The moment it seems like they “have to spend time with you” to keep you happy, they will feel obligated. Create a bit of distance and give your husband or wife the opportunity to miss you.

Fill your days with activities you enjoy doing. Not only will they value your time together, you’ll also have more things to talk about and become more interesting and attractive.

These tips are especially helpful for men and women looking to win back their husband or wife

3. You Need Constant Reassurance

There is so much banded about the importance of self-love these days but very little guidance on what it means and how to show it to yourself. David Richo in How to Be An Adult In Relationships sums it up beautifully when he describes self-love as actions you take for yourself that either make you happy, healthy or grow you personally or spiritually. Throughout your life ensure that you are always looking after your happiness, health and development and you will attract wholeness, keep attractiveness and your need for reassurance will lessen.

If you are constantly seeking validation from your partner, not only will you always be disappointed, you run the risk of pushing them away. If you are looking for constant acceptance outside of yourself – STOP –

Most of us grow up with a fear of “not being good enough” this is something we need to work on and let go of ourselves. If we don’t believe we are good enough, no amount of someone telling us so will help.

4. You Do Whatever They Want

Whenever my boyfriend used to ask me what I wanted to do on the weekend I used to reply “Anything you want babe.”
I was too passive and didn’t want to make decisions that he may not enjoy. I was afraid if I made the wrong choice they would say no and we wouldn’t spend any time together.

In my experience helping thousands of couples now, the strongest relationships are where both the husband and wife make decisions on what to do on the weekends and holidays. Where both share their opinion and make decisions. When you assert yourself you demonstrate self-confidence and confidence is attractive.

5. You Have Lost Yourself Outside Of The Relationship

Often when couples get married or have children they stop seeing their friends and hobbies. This causes immense pressure on the relationship because if we stop taking action to make ourselves happy we try to fill that void by demanding more attention from our partners. This leads to disappointment because we can not rely on our lover to fulfil all our need. The biggest reasons for divorce are unmet expectations. If you expect each other to be your only source of happiness it is going to cause a lot of resentment and tension to the marriage. If you have lost your way, find it again… start engaging in activities that bring you, Joy.

Know the difference between giving and bending over backwards.

Summary

One of the key essential ingredients to a passionate marriage is admiration. It’s important for husbands and wives to admire each other. If your attitude about yourself and towards yourself is that you and your life don’t count as much as them it’s likely that they could adopt that attitude about you too. When a spouse loses respect, they automatically lose the desire for closeness. In essence, you want to give the impression that you choose to be with him or her, not that you need to. So they perceive you as an equal partner and keep the admiration alive. I have seen men and women win back their husband and wife when they stop the above and start self-love.

Every day, when you wake up, focus all your energy towards becoming the ideal version of yourself. Share that gift with the person you have decided to be with.

From my heart to yours, Nicola

P.S If you haven’t already signed up for my marriage secret master-class – do so here where I give you 90 Minutes Training on how to create the relationship you dreamed of on your wedding day. Visit https://training.nicolabeer.com/webinar-signup

Sign up even if you cannot make the appointment because I’ll send you the replay. I’m so excited as I have something so special to share with you. Can’t wait for you to join me – seats are limited book now. https://training.nicolabeer.com/webinar-signup

Author's Bio: 

Nicola Beer is an International Relationship & Divorce Coach who helps her clients find peace and create a new beginning after Marriage Breakdown and Divorce. This includes helping couples on the verge of a breakup to resolve their relationship issues once and for all so that they can revive the love, passion, respect, and fun that's been missing.

As well as helping clients during and after Divorce to manage stress, create more income and adjust to new financial realities, redefine who they are, create a new social life, and when they are ready to attract someone great. Nicola also runs 2 parenting programs that support children through and after divorce

Nicola has combined 11 years' experience helping people with emotional issues. This comprises 7 years private coaching and 4 years as a volunteer for the Samaritans where she supported callers dealing with any emotional distress. She is UK certified in Coaching, Grief Recovery for Adults and Children, NLP, Time Line Therapy, Hypnosis.

Nicola's passion for supporting people before, during and after divorce comes from her own childhood, where due to the stress of divorce her mother suffered a mental breakdown. As 1 of 5 children the divorce was devastating for her family and affected each of her family in different ways. More recently Nicola's older sister with 4 children is going through a difficult divorce. Having experienced and seen the pain and stress associated with divorce Nicola is focused on proving solutions. She knows divorce doesn't have to mean disaster and takes her clients and their children from surviving to thriving. She is equally passionate about saving marriages, so has a program to overcome relationship problems.

Nicola works with expats and locals, Muslims and Non-Muslims from all over the world, mainly from Dubai, London, India, Saudi Arabia, Singapore, either in person for a 2 day intensive package or further afield US, Australia via video conference and phone.