Do you have a rubber or cloth rectangular object lying at your front door? You know that thing that is meant to collect all the dirt and dust from your shoes? Yes, the common term used is doormat. Most of us go out and get ones that are seasonal or tie into the décor of our house. And what would we do without them? Have dirt dragged all over our floors and into our house? If you’re like me – you’re like: No way, Jose! I’m a bit of neat freak (but do look the other way for the cat at times).

So how come do we not apply the same principles to our emotional well-being as women? Have you realized that a lot of women become the emotional doormat for others, be it for friends, partners, children, parents, siblings, bosses, co-workers or employees? At times, they drag their dirty shoes all over our pristine doormat, i.e. emotional well-being, and expect us to just take it. We’re then left with clumped up dirt, gritty sand and grass clippings that disintegrate upon us. We take it all in silently, allowing them to dump their muck of whining, complaining, manipulating, bullying, needing and self-centering on us. We try to be empathetic because that’s what we’ve been told women are. And after all, we as women hate to be called selfish or seen as unhelpful. Women who are selfish or tend to their needs are called “Princesses”. Now, that’s definitely not what you want to be called, right? You have these visions of screechy voices, pouty lips and airheads that nobody likes coming to your mind.

However, if you’re 100% honest with yourself, how does it feel to be everyone else’s doormat? Not so good, right? You feel stepped on. You feel weighed down. You feel grimy. So, with Halloween coming up in two and a half weeks, let’s have a little fun with dress up and going door-to-door for treats. Here are five power-maxing tricks to bring a self-cleaning doormat to your door and leaving you all squeaky bubbly clean:

1. Put a spell on ‘em! No, we’re not talking about the curse or hex kind where you stir up frog legs in a big ol’ cast iron cauldron and wish all kinds of evil on them. This kind of spell is all about putting you back into feeling powerful to say no to being a doormat. You might want to call it a mantra or a power slogan, but use words to make you feel strong and good about yourself. Sort of like a magnetic word shield that you wrap yourself in. It could be something like: “I’m free to speak my mind.” “I surround myself with fun and upbeat people.” “I choose to feel good and this rubs off on others.” Be amazed how your energy will put a spell on them to copy you!

2. Get the broom out of the closet! I find that so many women fall victim to the scrubbing bubbles effect. What do I mean by that? You think that you spray the shower with scrubbing bubbles and the poof!, scrubbing bubbles will magically clean the shower up all by themselves. Well, this really isn’t the case. The shower gets cleaned through you also applying some good scrubbing via your hands. And that’s the case with the emotional doormat. Get the broom out and sweep it down. This means that you have to take action and put an end to how others treat you. You have to verbalize when you don’t like what you’re hearing or how something is making you feel. And if the verbalizing doesn’t do the trick, take the broom handle and give the person a whop with the stick… (Just kidding!)

3. Play a little make belief! This is my anti “fake it until you make it” tool. Those words just feel totally slimy to me. But, make belief, well that’s plain fun and games. So, with make belief, you ask yourself how you would like to behave toward that person or in the situation when you’re being treated as a doormat. Write it all down. What type of body language would you use? What type of voice? Would you dress a certain way? Are there certain power words you’d integrate into your language? Then do a dress rehearsal – either mentally or in real life. Try on this character for a taste. Play her out. Then comes the real fun. Try her out with the person you’d like to get off your doormat!

4. Pretend you have a fairy princess! You know--the kind who makes everything go away for you. As with make belief, write out how you would like the fairy princess to handle the situation for you. Tell her exactly what outcome you’re looking for. Share all your frustrations. Tell her all about how this person is making you feel. Also, explain to her how you would like to behave in such situations. Do you speak up? Do you handle things immediately? Or do you sever the relationship with the person? Then take that piece of paper and burn it safely. Just like the fairy princess brandishes her wand and makes things happen, that’s what you’re doing with writing the letter to her. As soon as it’s burned, start taking some of the actions you wanted the fairy princess to take for you!

5. Reach into your bag of tricks. This is like having a wonderful bounty of sweets from your trick-or-treating. You grab into your bag and enjoy the goodies. How is that a trick? Well, when you feel totally good about yourself, you’re more likely to stand up for your needs. So, when someone is using you as a doormat and you’re frustrated, ask yourself what you can do to make you feel better. It’s all about self-care. You need to create a shift in energy around you and the situation to lift up your spirits to stand stronger. Only you know what that is, and that’s why it’s handy dandy to have a bag of tricks ready waiting for you. The tricks could be a good long soak in the tub, a walk outside, 15 minutes of hot chai tea with a piece of dark chocolate or setting an appointment for a massage. Just has to be something to make you feel good!

So to help you get started on your path to chucking your tendency to be an emotional doormat, here’s a little power spell that will help you maximize your power tricks for the upcoming week:

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?
Well, I am. So powerful to those who try to treat me as a doormat and always standing so tall!
I always know when to grab into my bag of tricks
To give me the giggles and kicks.
I treat myself with much love and care.
I show up with so much spirit and flair.
That’s why I am free
To be just me!"

Author's Bio: 

Marion Chamberlain helps women that are always "desperately seeking" something learn what it is and how to claim it. Visit her website for more information on her spiritual coaching program that allows you to experience freedom, connection, and independence.