Does Separation Help or Hurt A Marriage: Will My Trial Separation Cause My Marriage To End In Divorce

So you and your husband or wife have decided on a marriage separation. No biggie right? Just a trial. Well, guess what? Very often, trial separations end up with the couple getting divorced. The statistics bear out this fact. But why is a marriage separation so toxic? Here's why --

1. Out of sight, out of mind

You've heard the saying "out of sight, out of mind" right? Well, it applies very well to a troubled marriage where the couple have decided to separate. The less often you have to face and deal with the real problems that are plaguing your marriage, the easier it is to let go of the marriage.

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2. Single life is very appealing

As harsh as this sounds, the whole world is conspiring to make life as fun as possible for the single person. Clubbing, meeting new interesting people, striking up conversations with anyone you please with no actual consequences to worry about, you get the picture? If one of you or both of you are not careful, single life is eventually going to seem more appealing and less of a hassle than married life.

3. Nothing gets resolved

The fact is any troubled marriage is in that state because there are issues to resolve. Walking away from these issues and into a separation does nothing to solve the real core problems. Avoidance and denial will get you nowhere. Over time, the resentment that you can't settled things will deepen. So rather than try a marriage separation, you're better off committing to actively saving the marriage, doing whatever it takes to learn how to do so, even if you're alone in your efforts.

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Any successful businessman, entrepreneur, or college graduate will tell you they were successful because they had a goal and a plan. If your goal is to protect your marriage from the worries that many couples face, then you need a plan for success. Here is a 3-step plan to help.

Step #1 - Open Communication

The best offense in warding off the intrusion of an affair is to have a rewarding, satisfying marriage that meets the needs of both partners. As you discuss ways to keep your marriage strong, you will garner strength to prevent an affair from happening. Thus, open communication is critical in your marriage.

It is also important to commit to letting each other know if you are feeling vulnerable or if a situation has the potential of turning in a direction that may get out of control.

Common situations that could create temptations are business trips, business parties or at work in general. It's important to discuss as a partnership what boundaries should be set to avoid undue exposure to temptation.

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Step #2 - Resolving Money Matters

Statistics show that 43% of all married couples argue over money issues. This data speaks loudly of the major reason most couples fight. I

If one is frugal and the other spends money like it's going out of style, it can't help but create problems in your marriage. Therefore, the earlier you and your spouse talk about spending habits the better.

It's important to establish spending expectations, set goals and decide on a short and long term financial plan for your family.

Step #3 - Take Time For Intimacy

Even though you both have busy schedules and you may not feel like you have enough time to get the basics done each day, take time to be intimate.

Sex is a basic human need that has to take priority over other things. As you set this as a priority, the other things in your life will fall into place as your marriage is strengthened.

Some of the most successful people know the importance of having balance in their lives. They are the ones that set aside time for their family, recreational activities and work.

By keeping a balance, you are able to side step marriage worries and be more effective in every aspect of your life.

As you include these steps in your marriage plan, you will find that most of the problems other marriages face are not even a concern to you and your spouse.

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Divorce is not always mutually desired by married couples in crisis. Quite frequently one partner wants to end the marriage while the other is steadfastly against it. Unfortunately for those who are asking "how do I save my marriage?" the task has become more difficult. Virtually every state in the country has adopted divorce laws that no longer require both parties to agree to the divorce. This is referred to as "no-fault," and it means that either spouse can request a divorce based on "irreconcilable differences," without requiring them to prove to the court that there are grounds for divorce. While you ultimately will not be able to stop your spouse from a divorce, if you believe the marriage is worth saving, there are steps you can take to slow down the divorce proceedings. This will buy you some time to take positive steps towards saving the marriage.

When you receive the divorce petition you have a certain number of days to respond, depending on which state you live in. Do not ignore this, it will only complicate the problem and will end up hurting your case. Do not sign anything at this point. Retain your own attorney and inform him or her that you do not want the divorce. Your attorney can then help you decide on a plan of action. Often times your attorney may be able to convince your spouse's attorney to request a delay in the proceedings while you and your spouse attend counseling.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

If your spouse agrees to counseling, make absolutely certain that the counselor you choose specializes in marriage counseling with a strong emphasis on saving the marriage. If your counselor considers the "marriage" his client rather than you and your spouse, then you have found yourself an excellent counselor. During this period, remain calm at all times. Do not become emotional with your spouse, cry, beg or plead. Give your partner lots of space. Remain firm but calm in your assertion to them that you want to save the marriage. Do not find fault, place blame or criticize. Do not respond to their yelling, negativity, accusations or name calling with the same behavior. They won't know what hit them!

I nearly lost my marriage a few years ago after making a lot of mistakes when my wife said she wanted a divorce. I was ultimately able to prevent the divorce, but only after completely changing everything I had been doing. The very marriage I had been trying to save nearly ended because of the mistakes I made trying to save it. How's that for irony?

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Marriage intimacy problems are more common than most people think with an estimated 18% of marriages being classified as being sexless in that they make love less than 10 times a year. While it is impossible to quantify sex like this it does who that there are millions of people living with relationship issues that are stopping them from being emotionally and physically intimate.

So what can you do if you are in this situation and do not want to end a relationship but want it to improve end become closer?

Firstly you must understand that the issue is usually a complex one and what makes it continue is a lack of communication which can be very hard to get over especially if there have been marital communication issues for some time. Breaking down the walls we throw up can be hard and requires patience, love and understanding. Demanding answer or sex will never make things better and simply accepting your fate will only cause resentment to well up and mire you further into this sexless marriage.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

The second thing you must realize is that both men and women are different and react differently. Women are more often than not driven by emotion but their motives are sometimes subtle and hard to understand to a man even when you are close enough to be married. In contrast men are usually more straight-forward and while their emotive state is directly proportionate to their intimacy problems most men's fear of opening up about their feelings can make them shut off emotionally and can seem impossible to get real answers out of. The other problem many may face is that men or women with marriage intimacy problems do not truly understand themselves!

This makes finding and solving problems that can rekindle desire and intimacy a very hard thing to do in a marriage. There are however, many ways you can start to overcome these issues to bring love, intimacy and a great sex life back to a stale marriage as long as you treat carefully and do not make matters worse with haste.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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