Do you remember when you were a kid and wanted something really badly? Whether you nagged someone to death to get it, or tried, rehearsed, or practiced incessantly you knew what it would take to get it and went for it. As kids we knew that repeating actions got results: learning to ride a bike, swim, dive, run faster or longer, speak another language, play an instrument, make baskets, ace tests, drive, beat a game, etc. Somehow as we got older we learned to expect quick results, or give up after a couple of tries. Long gone are the days of trial and error, persistence and perseverance. How did we outgrow these strengths?

Somewhere along the way, we developed our Ego. Which tells us that some things are beneath us, that what we want should be easy or it’s not meant to be, that sticking through something is for chumps, that it shouldn’t be hard to get what we want, that we shouldn’t have to work so hard, etc. Even though there is some truth in these, how we frame them and apply them is what is important. For example, some things are beneath us. Being a jerk to less fortunate peeps is beneath us. At the end of the day we are all equal. Doing some tasks might be beneath us, but not because we are better than someone else but because we are wasting our talents and gifts Get my drift?

The problem here is that we do not place these in the proper context and as a result we lose sight of our path and our innate strengths. It is time to reclaim our inner child’s characteristics and strengths and lead with them. It is time to play a bigger game. And, yes, this does mean being persistent, focused and obsessed. This is how things get accomplished. This is how we get results. Any highly successful person will attest to this.

Highly successful peeps don’t give up at the first sign of disappointment, when they think they’ve tried it all they still find something else to try, they create habits and structures that support them, they ask for help when needed, they surround themselves with a success team Right? This applies to all areas of our life, not just our career or business. It’s just like when we were kids, we practiced doing cartwheels until we could do them effortlessly. Why should our relationship be any different? Why do peeps give up on their partner? Treat your relationship like a cartwheel, keep trying to get it until you do. For if you go at anything with that much enthusiasm, investment and commitment you will get it! How many times did Thomas Edison try before he succeeded in inventing the light bulb?

I know that this sentiment might feel outdated, nave, unrealistic, codependent, etc. in today’s society. But I believe we give up way too easily on most things we want, especially our relationship. Now I’m not suggesting just staying in a relationship to say you had a long-term relationship. I’m whole-heartedly saying to make your relationship work. If you want your relationship to work, it will! If you go at it as if there is no option but for it to work, you’ll see the difference. This is my approach to my couples and it makes a massive difference.

Stop trying the same things, go at it from a different angle. Get support. Put a success team in place to assist you: house cleaner, sitter, therapist/coach, routine massages and other self-care, etc. Treat your relationship like a goal. Decide how you want your relationship to look and go for it. Break it down to actions, behaviors, and investments. For every characteristic you wish in your relationship, there is at least one behavior you can do consistently to create it. Check it out: Trust transparency, commitment, dated plans, intimacy, sharing, passion, vulnerability, connection, touching base; you try.

Go for it in terms of how you want to be as a partner, Start being the partner you want to be by consistently carrying out actions to invest in your relationship bank. Make a deposit everyday. Create Relationship Success Habits.

The key is to stay focused, be persistent, and to make consistent targeted, relevant and concrete investments in your relating. Focus on what YOU are investing and keep doing it.

Happy Investing!

Author's Bio: 

Emma K. Viglucci is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couples ™ programs and products that assist couples succeed at their relationship and life. To get your downloadable relationship enrichment insights and receive her weekly successful couples articles, nurturing nuggets (sm) and other resources