Couples usually have a challenging time coming up with fun things to do as a couple. They have difficulties having fun in their relationship. And, they might struggle having fun with each other. Do you know how to have fun together?
This is not unusual as partners have a tendency to focus on what they don’t like, an unfortunate product of our brain’s built-in negativity bias. They worry about everything that is not to their liking, about what their partner is doing or not doing, and how they themselves might not be measuring up… These are the scripts running in their head…
Top this with all the noise the partner’s might be carrying around as a result of everyday life. Unless they have a Mindfulness Practice to clear this and set their tune right on an ongoing basis, they are walking around as a radio broadcasting on multiple stations at the same time!
So, because the partners are distracted by all the noise and their dirty lenses, they are not able to see the possibilities available at the moment... They are not able to give grace to the partner’s and their own imperfections, creating additional blocks. This means the partners are showing up in a less than resourced state and not in a very receptive mode.
The filters find fault with everything creating the additional noise and murkiness, so the partners are not able to see the opportunities for fun, enjoyment and joy. They totally miss out on what the moment has to offer.
Even worse, because the partners operate in this mode most of the time, they don’t even get to plan, set up, or find themselves in moments conducive for fun and enjoyment…
Having Fun Is A Responsibility
That’s right, we have a responsibility to have fun! Why, you may ask? Because when we have fun, we generate good chemistry in our brain and good energy in our bodies. Good chemistry is needed for feeling good, for creating resilience, for staying healthy, and for overall wellness. Good energy is needed for creating an abundant and best life.
Now that we’ve been restricted by the pandemic, having fun and doing fun things is even more challenging. Add another layer to the complexity of enjoyment in our relationship, why not? [sarcasm] And, yet because we are together more and our life is more monotonous, we need to embrace a Fun Protocol more than ever.
I get that we have to be in a good mood, receptive and such to have fun in the first place… This could be a total catch 22!
This is where your personal responsibility is so important. You have the obligation to get yourself in the receptive mode. It is not your partner’s job to entertain you, give you fun or enjoyment… Fun is also an inside job!
It is your job to get yourself in the state to show up properly to your interactions, show up with your best self, and show up with the ability to transcend minutia and noise… To give grace. To be open. To be giving.
How do you do that? The simple answer: Owning your day, being intentional, and having a rich selfcare practice that includes a mindfulness practice.
Types of Fun
After you make sure that you are showing up to your life with your best self, to the best of your ability, the next step is to be proactive about creating fun opportunities.
Note, that you can plan and organize all you want, but will have a hard time having fun, connecting and enjoying each other if you are not fully owning yourself going in…
Make sure you have a variety of ways of having fun. Fun doesn’t necessarily need to be your partner’s way or your way. And, don’t get hung up on finding things in common. I too often hear how partners believe they are not compatible because they have nothing in common. You can work with this, believe it or not.
So, if it is not their way, your way or a common way, then what? The answer is not to overthink it, and to co-create as you go… You’ll be surprised where you can find fun once you get out of your own way…
Here are some ways to think about fun for inspiration (some for after the pandemic…):
Play with Buckets Lists – Seasonal, Things To Achieve, Places to Visit, Things To Learn, Things to Try
Create Different Experiences – From how you go places, to how you eat, to where you vacation, to personal touches added to your home, to different ways to nurture your relationship and your partner.
Set Out on Adventures – Take turns trying out adventures you each want to try or participate in.
Create Memories – Live life as if you are recording your best movie. Live it to the fullest. Be present, give it your all, take it all in. Create ritual and traditions. Celebrate.
Togetherness Flow – Create your daily routine to allow yourselves to “see” each other. To connect. To flow into Being with each other.
Enrich with Separateness – Don’t get bogged down with details about how much fun they have without you and why they need to do stuff on their own. It doesn't matter because they bring good mojo back. They create mysteriousness and allure. And, there is an opportunity to miss each other. It’s better this way…
Fun can be had anywhere and in any way. You don’t have to have fancy vacations, extreme activities and such to enjoy each other and live a full life. They are nice for sure, but not necessary… You already have everything you need…
ASSIGNMENT: It can be challenging to have fun alone or with our partner when we are not feeling so hot.
Your Homework:
Turn your mood around
Seduce your partner into fun
Show up with your best self
Be genuinely gracious and open
Here are prior blogs on the topic for additional inspiration:
Making time for fun and to recharge
7 Ways to build fun in your relationship
Liven up your relationship and have fun
It should be all fun and games
Relationship sexiness and fun for valentine’s
Enhance your relationship with romance, passion and fun
Fun and pleasure
Hey, you can have as much fun as you allow. The choice is yours…
Let’s commit to a more fun Love Season, Valentine’s Day and rest of the year. Yay!
Happy Enjoying!

Author's Bio: 

Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health field in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected.