Assertiveness is not what you do, it’s who you are!” - Shakti Gawain

There is a big difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness. Assertiveness is a way of living where you get the most out of life without someone telling you how to do it. This simple means: You do not need to be obnoxious, agressive, or rude to get it your own way.

You cannot just jump in with both feet and decide, “Hey, I’m going to be assertive and no one will be pushing me around anymore. No more Mr. Nice Guy!” Learning how to be assertive requires a new mindset and plan. Remember, it takes time to learn how to be assertive and not aggressive. Find a coach to help you become more assertive. Then explore these questions:

1. What do I value most?

2. What are my core beliefs about life?

3. How do I intuitively know or feel about myself?

4. What are my approaches to life? Do these approaches work?

The fact that your reading this article says a lot. It says you are seeking for improvements in life. Change starts with awareness. You are aware that you need to change; you just do not know how to get started. It is time to learn why you do what you are doing and how to turn that around. Remember, you cannot just turn on a switch and instantly become assertive in life.

Mark Twain said, “We do not deal much in facts when we are contemplating ourselves.” In order to become assertive and in charge of your life, you must be honest with yourself. Dr. Phil is always saying that you cannot change what you do not acknowledge. It is time to figure out what you are hiding from yourself.

* Do you consistently fail when it comes to attaining your goals in life?

* Are you just drifting along with no plan, goals, and idea?

* Are you stuck in a comfort zone that gives you no new challenges?

* Are you not getting enough of what you really want out of life and getting way too much of what you do not want?

* Are you living with guilt or frustration and do not know how to change things?

What is most important here is the quality of your life. Would you like to live a fullfilling and authentic life? Or are you satisfied with someone else calling the shots and making all the major decisions for you for the rest of your life?

Do you feel like you are constantly being pushed around? Do you feel like you are being taken advantage of? Do friends, family members or co-workers try to tell you how to run your life? Do you feel that you are ready to start living life in your own terms?

You need not accept burdens like those listed above. You can assert yourself and reach for something better. You have the right and the ability to have what you want out of life. Let me warn you though, change does not come in an instant.

Assertiveness is something that must be learned carefully one step at a time. This is especially true if you have spent years following others telling you what to do, how to do it, what to think, what to feel, etc. How motivated are you to change and learn to assert yourself?

Think about those people who run our world. Whether it is business, politics, sports, or entertainment, there is one common denominator for all these people. These people know which buttons to push to get what they want. Some of these people are extremely intelligent and articulate, while others are merely manipulative. Some are unconcerned whether you agree with them and share their views. Others are rabid in demanding that you fall in line with them. They feel that they know best and this gives them the authority to tell everyone what they should be doing and saying. It is their way or the highway.

Be aware there are risks involved in learning how to become more assertive. You will find that many will not agree with you. In fact, you will meet people who are skeptical and pessimistic. They will always argue and try to prove you wrong.

Now is the time to get jazzed about your life! It is time to assert yourself and get what you want out of life. This is your life and not a dress rehearsal! It is time to learn new skills on how to do better. It is time to learn how to be more assertive. Find a life coach to help you become more assertive and the person you want to be. Try taking the coachability assessment to see if coaching is right for you at

Author's Bio: 

Mariano coaches and empowers community leaders, executives and business professionals to success. His coaching techniques will allow you to reach your goals and achieve the success and prosperity you deserve.

Mariano is currently on the board of Pace e Bene Nonviolence Service and has worked with the Catholic Campaign for Human Development. He has served on the Board of Directors for the United Way of the East Bay, Tri-City Homeless Coalition, and Renewed HOPE.

Mariano is currently a member of the Progressive Consultants Network, Business Development Institute, Life Coach Support Network, Sacramento Coaches Association and International Coach Federation.

Mariano earned a BS Degree in Chemical Engineering at UC Davis and was certified as an ASQ Quality Engineer. He earned a certificate in Pastoral Ministry and a Masters of Arts Degree in Pastoral Ministry. Mariano received certification from the National Community Development Institute’s Professional Development for Consultants program.

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