If one was to watch a sports game, they would see that there are players on the field and that there are players on the bench. As a result, it could be said that the people who are playing are going to be a lot happier than the people who are not playing.

This is because when one plays a certain sport, they are going to want to play; they are not going to want to watch other people play. But even if one was on the bench and they were not at full fitness, for instance, they are still likely to want to get involved.

Staying On

When one is playing, they are not going to want to come off, and they could have this outlook even if they were to pick up an injury. If they were to experience pain, they might see if they can shake it off, so to speak.

Yet even if they were tired and didn’t have a physical problem, they may still want to stay on for as long as they can. Ultimately, they are going to be doing something they enjoy doing and so they are going to want to stay on until the end of the game.

Coming On

However, if one is on the bench, they are going to be itching to come on, and only way this is going to happen is if someone else comes off. But just because someone comes off, it doesn’t mean that they will get the chance to come on.

This comes down to the fact that one is likely to play in a certain position and unless someone comes off who plays in the same position, they might not be going on. If this is not the case and one goes on anyway, it could be due to a tactical change, for instance.

Everyday Life

What this comes down to is that human beings are here to embrace life as opposed to watching life from the sidelines. And there are going to be people some people who do embrace life, there are going to be others who don’t.

When one is connected to life, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they will always be involved, but at the same time, they are not going to be used to being disconnected from it. If on the other hand, one is disconnected from life; they could be in a position where they are rarely involved.


Through being connected to life, one is going to be like player that is on the pitch; they will be taking part. Another way of looking at this would be to say that not only will they be in touch with their needs; they will also be fulfilling their needs.

Their life could be filled with a sense of passion and purpose, and they might be only too happy to wake up each day. They will know what it is like to take action and to move towards what they want to achieve.


This may mean that they are in a romantic relationship, but even if this is not the case, they could still have a number of people in their life who they feel close to. So whether they want to talk about something personal or whether they want to go somewhere for the day, there will be people they can get in touch with.

If they are around people they don’t know, they may also find that they are able to reach out to them. Therefore, if they were to be by themselves, it is likely to be something that is taking place through choice.


However, if one feels disconnected from life, they are going to be like a player who is not on the pitch. And even if one is in touch with their needs, there is not much chance of them being able to fulfil them.

They could find that they rarely experience passion, and they might not feel as though their life has much of a purpose either. And although they might know what it is like to take action, it doesn’t mean that this is something that will take place on a regular basis.


As a result of this, they may be in a position where they rarely achieve what they want to achieve. It could then be normal for them to look at people who are doing well and to experience jealousy, for instance.


This may also mean that they find it hard to experience deeper connections with others, and they might not have many friends in general. In fact, it could be normal for them to feel isolated from others.

There could be moments where they imagine what it would be like to be closer to others, as well as to have more people in their life. It could be said that experiencing life in this way is likely to cause one to feel angry, powerless and as though they have no control, among other things.

A Closer Look

If one experiences life in this way there is the chance that they will feel like a victim, and it is then going to be normal for them to believe that they are not playing a part in what is taking place. Yet if one is aware of why they are experiencing life in this way, this is not going to be the case.

But regardless of whether one is aware or not, this can be a sign that they are carrying toxic shame. As a result of this, they will no longer be an embodied human being; they will be a disembodied human being.

Toxic Shame

What this comes down to is that toxic shame will cause them to not only disconnect from others, it will also cause them to disconnect from themselves. They are likely to feel as though they are completely worthless, and as though they are less-than human.

So although they will want to reach out to others and to embrace life, this is going to be something that they will also want to avoid. If they were to do this, they are going to believe that other people will realise how flawed they are and it would also cause their toxic shame to come to the surface, and this is an inner experience that will be incredible difficult to tolerate.


If one is carrying toxic shame, it can be a sign that they were abused and/or neglected during their childhood years. In order for one to move forward, they may need to reach out for support, and this can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.

This can be a time where one will be grieving their unmet childhood needs, discharging the toxic shame that is within them and receiving the positive regard that they didn’t receive all those years ago. While this process is likely to take time, it will be worth it in the long run.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, author and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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