Different Beliefs In Marriage: How To Make Interfaith Marriages Work - Interfaith Marriage Problems

The recent headline about Katie Holmes breaking up with Tom Cruise is said to be because of religion. And truly, it's a sad reality that a lot of couples are breaking up these days simply because both parties have different religions and beliefs. But if you truly love your partner, you should not let religion ruin your marriage. Here are tips to help you.

Explain your Beliefs to Each Other

There are a myriad of religious beliefs that people are practicing from all over the world, so it's no longer a surprise if you end up with someone who has a different belief as yours. But instead of refusing to talk about these issues, it is best that you explain clearly well to your partner what your religion is all about. Remember that before you decide to marry your partner it is best that you understand what his religious doctrines are all about so you would know if these things are acceptable to you or not.

Avoid Influencing Each Other

They say that if you truly love your partner, you must accept everything in him and this would also mean accepting his religion or religious beliefs. Do not force him to convert into your religion nor influence him to follow your religious path, and above all, respect each other beliefs and practices. This might be difficult for you to do, but if you really want a lifetime marriage with your spouse, then you must learn to accept everything in him.

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Be Open Minded

Do not just think about yourself of your own religion, it should be a two way street. So if you want your partner to listen and respect your own beliefs, you must also do the same thing towards him. And in the same way, if you want to persuade your husband, you must also be willing to let him persuade you. Who knows, you might realize in the end that he could be right and you are wrong or it's the other way around.

Have a Healthy Discussion

It is okay to have a healthy discussion about your religion, but as much as possible, avoid any arguments that can lead to ugly brawl. If in the middle of your discussion, you or your partner is not convinced with your own arguments, then you might as well just change the topic before it can lead to a heated argument. Always keep in mind that marriage is not all about religion, so you must not allow religion to destroy your commitment for each other.

In as much as we don not want religion to affect our marriage, there will really come a point in our marriage life wherein we will be confronted with issues concerning religion and faith. That is why before you decide to marry your partner, you should first ask yourself if you are willing to accept him despite of his religion and beliefs. Whether we like it or not, these things could somehow affect our marriage, sooner or later.

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Would it surprise you to learn that a recent study conducted by the Chicago University found that happily married people have less health issues than divorced people? When you stop and think about that, it makes sense that if you are happily married, you would expect to have less stress in your life than someone going through a messy divorce or severe conflict in their marriage. If you are having marriage problems (and who doesn't have from time to time), then the best advice that I can give you is to rekindle love in marriage.

If you can learn to fall in love again and rekindle love in marriage, there is no doubt in my mind that your whole life will take a turn for the better. To get to this stage, you and your partner need to have a serious soul searching session where you not only talk with each other but more importantly, listen to each other. If you have never done this, you will find it to be a wonderful tool in helping you to understand and appreciate each other better. Get all of the issues out into the open and put them on the table. What you are looking for here is to identify any obstacles facing you in your marriage. Write them down and once you have done this, you can then set out a plan to overcome your difficulties. Work on this together and you will be amazed at what this will do for your relationship. It will bring you closer together and help you to appreciate each other more.

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Once this has been done, you will find it easier to rekindle love in marriage as there should now be nothing holding you back from loving each other again. Running a home and raising a family is never easy and unfortunately too many couples lose sight of the need to look after each other. Do you know what? This is the real secret to a happy marriage. If you are united, happy and in love as a couple, then everything else seems to fall into place nicely. You know all too well, that if these three elements are missing in your relationship, everything else seems to be in turmoil. Try and organise a treat for the two of you on a regular basis such as going to the movies or out to dinner or even a night away. These treats will help you to discover each other again and will strengthen the bond between the two of you.

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For couples who find that their marriage might be going downhill, there are things that you can do in order to save your marriage even if your partner is not interested or doubtful that there is a problem. Filing for divorce should not be taken lightly and if you think that you might be on that road, then start today to improve your marriage and your life together.

Although all marriages are different, they all require the same things in order to maintain a healthy and happy relationship. Couples need openness and honesty in their communication, the ability to forgive, a willingness to make time for each other, acceptance, and of course, love. Communication is a key element to a healthy marriage. Keeping emotions inside rather then being open and honest with your partner can lead to resentment. It is impossible for your partner to know if there is any problem when communication does not happen. When a spouse finds something that they do not like about the relationship, he or she should not hesitate to say it in a respectful and non-confrontational manor.

Forgiveness is another element that no marriage can live without. Holding on to past hurts or betrayals will slowly eat away at you and your love for your spouse. Forgiveness towards someone does not mean that you forget or that you condone the hurtful behavior, it just means that you are willing to understand that it was a mistake and you are accepting that they are sorry for what happened. Don't let your stubbornness or desire for revenge get in the way of your marriage.

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By showing a willingness to make time for your spouse, you are showing them that you care for them. Doing things together affirms the bond that you share and gives each other the chance to leave the responsibilities of life behind for a little while.

The last two things that you need in every marriage are acceptance and love. Acceptance means that you are taking your spouse for who they truly are inside. If they are messy, you can deal with the dishes in the sink. If they are a neat freak, you can deal with them pushing a mop around your feet. You married your spouse for a reason and they are not going to change after the wedding day. Acceptance also shows the love that you have for your spouse. How can your truly love them if you do not accept them for who they are inside?

Through years of marriage it can be hard to remember how a person should be treated because we get so used to treating people a certain way. If you truly loved your spouse, wouldn't you give them all of the support that they needed even if they don't support you in the way that you need? If you truly love your spouse, wouldn't you talk to them respectfully even if they do not show you the same courtesy? Stop looking for your spouse to treat you the way that you think that you deserve to be treated. Love is about doing what is best for the person you love. Your spouse will eventually follow your example and show their love for you in the best way they know how.

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This is probably one of the most common questions that I hear. I'm often contacted by folks who are at a cross roads in their marriage. Often, they really do want to save the marriage, but they often doubt that this is possible. Sometimes, the folks writing are struggling with infidelity. Other times, they suspect that one or both of them have "fallen out of love" or have grown apart. In other instances, there is a stressor in the marriage like financial issues, a sick family member, or some other crisis.

In my experience, I feel that most marriages can be saved. It isn't always easy and it often requires for you to try new tactics and strategies. However, if even one person is willing to step outside of their comfort zone and be the one taking the initiative, it's my experience that even seemingly "hopeless" marriages turn around. The exception to this would be in cases of abuse or where one partner is just emotionally or physically detrimental to another.

In the following article, I've crafted a quiz of five questions that often come up when I dialogue with folks on this topic. The desired and best answers to the quiz should hopefully be pretty obvious.

Question # 1: Are You Willing And Able To Try To Save Your Marriage On Your Own If Your Spouse Is Reluctant At First?: The answer to this is a very important one. Often, both parties are not equally on board with this process. Sometimes, one person has come to believe that nothing is ever going to change. As a result, the reluctant spouse might become distant, cold, and uninvolved. People will often sit and wait for their partner to come around. This day may never come. Often, one person will need to be the one to take the initiative and to begin to make the changes. This may feel lonely at first. But often, it's a necessary first step because it allows for the reluctant spouse seeing that things really can change. And it's often only then that the reluctant spouse begins to work with you rather than against you.

Question #2: Are You Willing To Be Flexible With Your Perceptions And Your Behaviors?: I often tell people: "if you do what you've always done, you're going to get what you've always gotten." If the culture in your marriage is one that makes you unhappy, then you have to be willing to look at it with fresh eyes and a very open heart. And once you're able to identify those things that are thwarting your happiness, you need to be willing to discard those things and let them go.

People sometimes get very caught up in the "shoulds" or in the traditional beliefs that you've sort of inherited but which don't really work for you. There are no right and wrong answers here. The "right" answer is the one that works for your marriage and ensures the happiness of both spouses that live within it. To save your marriage, you sometimes need to be willing to give up or abandon habits that have become commonplace but don't serve any real purpose other than the frustrate one or both of you.

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Question #3: Are You Willing To Be Flexible In When You Start The Individual Steps That Will Save Your Marriage?: If you asked ten couples the steps that it takes to save their marriage, I'd be willing to bet that at least eight of them would say that they have to identify and then work very hard on their problems. This is partly right. You will need to do this. But very often, people attempt this when both of them are doubtful that it's really going to work. They often try this when one or both people are cold and distant.

This doesn't give you the best chance of success. In my experience, it's often better to take the big problems off of the table, at least until you can bond and reconnect somewhat. If you can change the atmosphere to one that is light hearted and somewhat fun, both people are often going to be willing to give a little more and be willing to open their hearts to see what happens.

These changes in attitude can make all of the difference. If one or both people are only sort of grudgingly complying and their hearts aren't really into it, you're likely going to get compromised results. But if you can first restore some of the positive feelings, you will often be pleasantly surprised at the results.

Question 4: Are You Willing To Stop Keeping Score And To Stop Clinging So Tightly To Who Is Wrong And Who IS Right?: The biggest detriment to a marriage, at least in my opinion, is indifference. However, a close second would be when the spouses are indignant. I so often have people who tell me that they aren't going to be the one to take the initiative because (and I'm paraphrasing here:) "I'm not going to be the one who does all the work and who makes all the changes. This isn't fair. He doesn't care. So why should I?"

Although you may be justified in this kind of thinking, this isn't going to help you save your marriage. Sometimes, you have to put being right on the back burner and worry instead about being happy. I often see people cling so very tightly to being right and to keeping score, that their firm and choking grip is jeopardizing their marriage. Sometimes, you have to call and truce and realize that you'd rather give a little and compromise and be happy than to be right but alone.

Question 5: Are You Indifferent In Your Marriage?: This is one of the most important questions that you can ask yourself. People often tell me that they fight with and say really nasty things to their spouses. They worry that the drama in the relationship will eventually end it. Although negative emotions aren't what you always want to see, they at least mean that the two people still are feeling something.

I'm generally more worried when I see folks who feel absolutely nothing. When there is no anger, no fear, and no curiosity, then the work will generally be harder. I suspect that you're not indifferent. The fact that you're reading this article demonstrates that you're still invested enough to research the options and the possibilities.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

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