DIE Team DIE

This is not a chant to use as a mantra for your team but a warning as to what will happen when seemingly innocent habits are allowed to remain in place as part of the team’s character.

DIE…

D…drama

I…insecurity

E…ego

Drama happens inside the team members when conflict arises. It can come in the form of differing opinions, personality conflicts, and resistance to authority and so much more. There are four basic dramas and each person can play one or more roles at varying degrees of severity.

The interrogator will rapid fire questions non-stop until they are ready to leave the room. The questions are not meant to solicit answers or find meaning, they are to cast blame. They are to create a since of superiority in the interrogator and put the receiver in their place. After leaving the confrontation and that is exactly what it feels like-a confrontation, the recipient walks away feeling confused, angry or beat-up. It seems as if the interrogator is standing over you with both hands on their hips, leaning forward into your space yelling, WHY, WHY, WHY?

The intimidator is the office bully and seems to always be standing over someone; looking down their nose at that person. They too will cast blame but will be much more blunt and straight forward. They will not hide their feelings of superiority over co-workers behind a wall of questions; they feel superior and expect everyone else to agree with them. While in the drama, Intimidators have no respect for human feelings and only want to cast blame and be done. When in confrontation with the intimidator the recipient will feel that, (and often time will actually see) the intimidator will have one foot forward with one hand on their hip and the other held within inches of your face pointing the finger of blame. They will be invading your space and seem to be saying, It’s all your fault; it’s all your fault.

In order for the interrogator or intimidator to run full steam ahead and continue their dramas, there must be a victim. Poor me, please have pity on me, I can’t do anything. This is the whiny words we hear from the victim even if they are saying nothing or offering an explanation. The victim will provide a multitude of excuses but never a solution. The victim empowers the intimidator and the interrogator. While they seem weak and helpless, this drama requires enormous amounts of energy to deal with and they usually get more attention. When in a drama with the victim, it seems they are pulling away, withdrawn and balled up as if to defend themselves from the attack or the circumstance.

The last and perhaps most damaging of all is the Distracter. There are many ways a team can be de-railed by a distracter. The distracter’s actions can range from totally changing the subject with no warning to totally ignoring you. They can often times be funny and sometimes use light hearted, tension breaking humor in their drama. The distracter can come across as heartfelt and caring and sometimes seem to be compassionate and can steer the team completely away from the subject at hand in the process. It seems as if this person is standing with their arms out to the side like wings and all of a sudden begins flapping their wings, soaring around the room saying, “Pigs Can Fly, Pigs Can Fly”.

Insecurity happens when a person de-value themselves. They begin questioning their thoughts and ideas. They lose trust in their path and simply choose to remain quiet when they have an idea no matter how good and feasible it is. Self devaluation is one of the toughest things to recognize as it is usually easy to internally justify and it seems like the truth. After-all, the self devaluation started in childhood and has had many years to grow and perfect itself; nearly to an art.

Insecurity shows up in many forms and can be hidden behind some of the most powerful facades and dramas imaginable. Some people are experts at presenting the façade and hiding the insecurity. Self awareness is the key to stop this action. While insecurity damages the team, holds them back from progress; it just as importantly damages the individual. The more a person allows this to continue, the more it grows inside of them making it an extremely difficult pattern to change.

Insecurity causes comfort zones to close in around the person until they can no longer open themselves to new experiences and only want to hide from all situations and people. Once this happens, it is virtually impossible for the individual to interact with other members of the team much less believe they have an idea worth sharing with anyone else. The focus and energy at this point are zeroed in on the individual and not the team.

The EGO is the biggest and most difficult barrier of the three. EGO can show up as any of the dramas listed above. EGO drives the insecurities and gives them power. It creates the stories a person tells themselves that make the insecurities, facades and dramas seem so real. It can show up in any number of ways and for each person the ego is different. No matter how the ego shows up, it drives our essence to the background and attempts to hide it all together.

The ego believes the essence is weak as essence is the part of us that wants to share our talents and gifts with the rest of the team and is more interested in outcome than personal glory. The ego on the other hand wants that personal glory and will sabotage a plan in order to get praise and recognition. The essence wants to be the best team player possible, the ego wants to do as little work as possible and still gain recognition. The ego is unable to see the big picture of the team’s results. The essence, while seeing the team’s accomplishment as most important, can also see the personal benefits through relational growth and connection.

While the absence of DIE does not guarantee positive results for the team, the presence of DIE does guarantee the death of the Team. Not only will the team’s goal die, the team itself will emotionally die. Once this happens to a team it is difficult at best to bring them back together.