Based on how someone typically comes across, they can appear to be a together human being. However, beyond the impression that they create can be someone who doesn’t have firm foundations.

Thanks to how they live their life, though this could be something that they are not fully aware of. Therefore, when they do come into contact with what is really going on for them, they might not be able to join the dots, so to speak.


So, if they were to end up feeling overly anxious, they could believe that this is just because they suffer from anxiety. Both consciously and unconsciously, they could do their best to avoid environments where they feel this way.

By doing this, it will be easier for them to keep it together and function. But, what it will also do is make their world smaller and stop them from being able to freely express themselves.

A Trigger

One thing that could really unlock what is going on for them, with them feeling more than just anxious, is a loss. After a relationship has come to an end, a connection that they had with someone will have been broken and this will unsettle them.

Some of the material that is outside of their conscious awareness will then enter their mind and they could be all at sea. This could be a time when they will feel overwhelmed and as though their life is going to come to an end.

A Bad Way

Instead of feeling like a resourceful adult, this will be a time when they will feel like a powerless child. To try to settle themselves down, they could look for someone else to be with.

Then again, they might not reach out to another person and could end up consuming something. When it comes to the latter, they might end up drinking something or taking drugs.

Back To Normal

After a while, they could settle down once again and be able to carry on as they were before. Nonetheless, as time passes, it might get harder and harder for them to be able to keep it together and function.

It will then take less and less for them to be unsettled and this might force them into taking a closer look at what is going on. At this point, they might come to see that their biggest priority has been to stop themselves from being overwhelmed.

Hard To Handle

If they were to reflect on what takes place when they feel this way, they could see that it is as though they have fallen apart and have lost themselves. Their physical self will then exist but their inner self will no longer exist.

With this in mind, to say that this will be a brutal time will be an understatement. No wonder they will have done just about everything they can, both consciously and unconsciously, to keep it together.

What’s going on?

Due to how long their life has been this way and how unstable they are, there is a strong chance that their early years were anything but nurturing. Practically from the moment they were born, they might have often been left.

And, when they were given attention, they might have received misattuned care. As opposed to receiving the attunement and emotional nutrients that they needed to grow and develop in the right way, they would have been deprived and deeply wounded.

Two parts

To be held at the wrong moments, for instance, would have caused them to experience pain and being left at the wrong moments would have done the same thing. As they were powerless and totally dependent at this stage of their life, there was absolutely nothing that they could do to change what was going on.

To handle being overwhelmed and feeling as though they were going to die, their brain would have repressed how they felt. This wouldn’t have changed what was going on and it would have caused them to gradually leave their body, but at the same time, it would have ensured their survival.

Unstable Ground

Losing touch with their feelings and building defences would have allowed them to keep it together in most if not all cases throughout his stage of their life and as an adult. But, as time has passed, these defences will have weakened and what has been repressed for so long will have started to seep into their conscious awareness.

For them to settle down and become a more integrated human being, they are likely to have a lot of pain to slowly face and work through. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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