Author Keishorne Scott: Destructive myths in relationships

It's amazing how long it takes to deny certain relationship expert advice. Many axioms appear to be true. However, with a little reasoning they are forgotten.

Among all these troublesome rules, what are the worst? There are five rules that I would love to be able to erase from all published relationship books or all confidential counseling sessions of all existing relationship experts. You should check relationship expert Keishorne Scott website www.Keishornescott.com

So let's identify and forget those myths:

1. Don't go to bed angry

Are you going to stay up all night arguing? Also, who said it was a good idea to discuss an issue when you are agitated and very angry?

Regardless of whether you want to resolve an issue that makes you uncomfortable and clear things up, chances are you will make it worse if you try to speak up when your emotions are on the surface. The Gottman Institute conducted research showing that most people take much longer to calm down than they think.

Human emotions resemble a fire that is not completely extinguished: if you add a little fuel to those ashes that seemed to be extinguished you could unleash a fierce bonfire. Which is the best option? Make an appointment to discuss the situation 24 hours later. You will be calmer, with a better perspective and logic. (You might even wonder where all that anger came from!)

2. People do not change. Or yes they do!

They may not do it at the right time you want, but people can evolve - and they do - wonderfully throughout their lives: they stop gambling. (Or smoke. Or drink). They learn to control their anger. They find a way to demonstrate their gratitude, sensitivity, and sensitivity.

The problem with this belief that people do not change is that it prevents you from knowing the great potential that even the partner you have shared with many years ago can have: some people change after learning to say, "I'm sorry." Others change by leaving behind or being forced to leave behind, some destructive habit or behavior. Others receive therapy and change radically after this experience.

The 50 is not like the 20; in many cases, they are even better! We can modify not only our actions but also our values, so please don't hide behind this myth. (And don't let your partner do it either!)

3. Sex stops being important over time

I don't usually beg, but in this case, I beg your pardon for not agreeing!

One of the (so many) reasons why sex continues to be important throughout our lives is because it is an essential factor for love- keeping hormones like oxytocin and dopamine. Sex is connection, relaxation, and enjoyment — and you don't need to try sexual stunts in your 20s and 30s to have a satisfying sex life in your 50s, 60s, 70s, and beyond.

Intercourse is not always necessary! Couples can pleasure each other with their hands, mouths, or simply with their bodies lovingly entwined all night. So even though a stone in the way can undermine your sexual appetite, don't let it eliminate it; loss of sexual desire is not insignificant or an inevitable part of aging.

4. Men are not romantic like women

You are right, men are not as romantic as women, they are more romantic!

Research shows that men say "I love you" to women more often than women to men. And they also give more compliments. Not only that, but husbands are also more likely to feel devoid of romance than wives. And while men are less likely than women when it comes to romantic gifts, they are more likely to give them away rather than receive them.

So do you need to hear more than "Men don't get enough tokens of affection" to know what to do next? Putting gender stereotypes aside, there's no way couples are exaggerating their displays of affection, whether it's a candlelight escape or dinner that ends in a candlelit bathroom. In short, more romance please — from both sides.

5. Once you are unfaithful there is no going back

Another unfounded myth. Many couples get through painful situations throughout their long-standing relationship and recover, reconcile, and move forward.

I know it is difficult (and for the injured person it may even be completely unfair), but couples must be willing to work hard to face their feelings and identify what is the role if any, of each other in a conflict or a moment of infidelity. For the "betrayed" this requires setting aside your disgust - or thirst for revenge - enough to understand exactly what your partner is dealing with or what he is trying to ignore.