Dear Dr. Romance:

I'm a housewife in my mid-thirties, married for 7 years,  In our marital life I have never been satisfied, because our sexual interaction never lasts more than 15 min. It makes me unhappy. I have spoken to him regarding this matter but he didn't take it seriously. I feel that he is avoiding me. In a year we have only been together for 2 times and only for 15 min. He is working permanent night shift  and always claims he is tired. Sometimes I really feel that I need him very much but only get disappointed.  In the last two years, even though we are under same roof and sharing the same bed, there has been no sex. How can I handle this situation?  I'm really confused and badly need a partner to share my feelings and emotions. The thing is he doesn't even have any affair outside; so why doesn't he want me?

Dear Reader:
Sex drive is quite complicated, so it's not easy for me to tell you what is wrong from your brief note.  It's possible your husband's sex drive is not very strong, but it's more likely that he's not very educated about sex, or interested in it.  It's possible he is having sex with men, or another woman.  Complaining about it will not work: it will just push him further away. Don't wait for him to change; make changes yourself.  Find some fun things to do and invite him along. What you need is a session with a therapist,  Go by yourself if your husband won't go.  You will get good information,  and your husband will understand that the problem is serious.  Make an appointment, and invite him to go, but if he won't, go by yourself. "Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely" will help you find a suitable therapist.  "Better Intimacy, Better Sex"
will teach you how good sex and the intimacy you crave are connected.  How to Be Happy Partners: Working it out Together will guide you through conversations about sex with your husband.

Happy Partners cover

For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com

Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.