Dear Dr. Romance:

My boyfriend of a month and a week was planing a surprise for my birthday (he was trying to keep it a secret.) well we got in to a fight 3 days ago and last night I took him back. He was talking to my bff on im and he told her I took him back and told her he was going to propose to me on my birthday to prove that he loves me, and he was stupid and told me he had a big
surprise for me. I didn't want to wait and he wouldn't tell me then he says that she knows so don't ask her. 

I did and after about an half hour of begging her to tell me he got online and she told him I was mad cuz she wouldn't tell me. Well I figured it out and I asked her and she wouldn't tell me if I was right so I assumed I was and they were talking about it and he asked her to lie to me and say that's not what he was planing she ended up sending me that part saying damn it she knows please tell her no that's not it she said I'm not fond of lyin and he said please. Well I freaked out a little in a bad way. I told him if he is planing to do that to expect disappointment and she said that today he said he was going to ask me any way I don't know what to do. Do you have any advice? I mean I love him but I don't know if I should be his wife after all we have only been dating for a month and a week. Can you help me? 

Dear Reader:

Of course you're not ready to be married to someone you've only known for five weeks. Actually, I don't think you're ready right now to be anyone's wife. You need to grow up first. So does your boyfriend, and your friend doesn't sound helpful, either. Talking behind your boyfriend's back, guessing instead of asking, and throwing temper tantrums is not a very grownup way to communicate or to develop a healthy relationship. You both need to calm down, learn to talk about things rationally, and understand what a mature, healthy relationship is.  "What is a Dysfunctional Relationship?" and "Stupid Cupid" will help you figure out what a healthy relationship is, and how to build one.. How To Be A Couple and Still Be Free 4th Edition will teach you how to communicate effectively, make plans and agreements that work, and solve problems together. That's what marriage is really about.

Couple and Free 4th Ed

For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com

 

Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.