Dear Dr. Romance

A question for you: I have a female friend that I dated for 7 months - she dumped me - and is, I think, dating some other guy.

The question is: I have tried to ask her for 5 or 6 different events - and have gotten turned down for each one - with some excuse - the excuse sounds good - but I think its just that an excuse. So, the other day I point blank asked her -  do you want me to stop asking you out - and be honest" . Her reply was "NO".

Why tell me "NOT" to stop asking her out if she knows that she will never go out? Should I give up on her or is there a better solution?

Thanks for your opinion and help.

Dear Reader:

If you keep asking, you'll be seen as a stalker, and that won't get you any points.  Maybe she'd rather lie and string you along than hurt your feelings, but she's hoping you'll take a hint. 

Here's what I'd do. Ask her out, one more time, only let her choose date, time and place. She won't be able to make an excuse for that. Just say:  "I don't seem to be able to pick a time when you're available, so you choose the time and place, and I'd love to take you out." And see what happens. If she's just encouraging you because she likes being asked, but doesn't really want to go out, that will call her bluff. Here's the  catch, though. If she turns you down for this, you must not ask her again. Just accept that she doesn't really want to date you, and learn to let go.   "Letting Go Takes Love" will help you understand what happened and move on. 

It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction will give you help in figuring out what went wrong with this relationship, and how to move on to find another.

   It Ends With You

 For low-cost counseling, email me at

Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.

Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC News.