Dear Dr. Romance:

I have had baby with this girl and we are planning to marry this year. Just last we were talking about things we do not like and the things that we like.  

I said she was unfaithful before we had the baby and she said that not true but that she was lesbian was sleeping With this lady she had started this with when she was in junior school.

Now she wants me to marry her. How am I going to be sure this she is not going to continue. When we started the relationship she denied me sex several times and when I asked her all she said was that when she has sex with men she does not enjoy it and she was having sex with me ones a month which sometimes was not happening. Now she wants me t marry her saying she has changed.  Do you think this lesbian for over 9 years has change?

Dear Reader:

It sounds like your baby momma is lesbian or bisexual. This is not going to change.

I'm guessing she wants you to marry her to take responsibility for your baby, which is no surprise. She is not suddenly going to start liking sex with you, whether you marry her or not.

Take responsibility for your child, support the child and be involved in family life, but don't look for sex from this woman. You're a parent now, you also need to be a grownup.  This is not about sex. This is about taking responsibility for the consequences of your actions.

Find another relationship, and this time, use contraception when you have sex.

"Couples Can Cooperate for Success",  and "Response-Ability"  will help you and your baby momma work out your deal for jointly caring for your child.  "Ten Things You Don't Know About Therapy" will help you decide whether you two should have counseling to work out your co-parenting agreement. How to Be Happy Partners: Working it out Together will give you guidelines and exercises to help you talk about the decisions you need to make together.

Happy Partners cover

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Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.