Dear Dr. Romance:

I told my husband that if he cannot be with me as his wife and does not give me the place that a wife should have that I wanted to go on with my life and file the papers.

He stopped seeing the other woman for a weekend.  Then, on the Thursday that followed, he called me during lunch (in front of her ) to tell me that his heart was someplace else and that we should file the papers.

I told him that after more than twenty years he had to call me on the phone to tell me that?  Couldn't he tell me in person?

The next day I asked him to sign the house over to me and he signed a quit claim deed. That happened two months ago, and he still has not moved out.  I have been sending resumes and applying for a better job for a long time and no positive response.  He makes twice what I make and the house budget is very tight as it is.

I don't know if there is anything I can do to save my marriage,  I still would like to hug him when he comes home but I refrain myself from showing any emotions. He is very much involved with this person, and I believe the only person he truly loves is himself.  He acts worse than my teenage son.

It is sad that I cannot stop loving him.  I am like frozen still, like if it is not true what is happening.

What can you suggest I do?

Dear Reader:

You're right to leave this guy.  He obviously can't control himself, and he needs to grow up.  If you only have one teenage son, he should be old enough to understand.  Hopefully, he'll learn from his father's bad behavior and mistakes. 
Please register the quit claim deed right away.  I hope you had it notarized, because your husband's signature is worthless, unless it's notarized and the deed is registered.  Once you have the deed in your name, you can sell the house, and move to something more affordable.  Hopefully, you'll have some equity you can use to bolster your financial situation. 
I recommend that you go to Codependents Anonymous as soon as possible.   You should also get therapy.  I know he's the one with the problem, but his problem has created big problems for you, and you'll need help handling them. Asking for What you Want will help you learn how to make him hear you.  There's low-cost therapy available through Family Services in your community.  Use my Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely  to find affordable therapy.    The Ten Smartest Decisions A Woman Can Make After Forty will help you understand what you want, make good decisions, and change your life for the better.

After Forty

For low-cost counseling, email me at

Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.

Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC News.