Dear Dr. Romance 

I already know my heart's desire; it reminds me daily. I want to get married. I want a mate. I want children. My problem is, this is not happening now. I have been single for a very, very long time. I don't need to get to "know myself" because I've been alone, what seems like forever, knowing myself. I am self-assured in the person that I am. I am fully acquainted with who I am: A woman in my late thirties who wants a partner to share my life with.

I have been to movies alone, traveled -- nationally internationally -- alone, went out to eat alone, went to bars alone, etc, etc. You can't make people like you. You can't make people accept you. You can't make people want you. So what do you do? Sometimes, many times, you become depressed, bitter, angry -- Why won't this world - for once - release what you want?!

Dear Reader:

I hope you want more than just a mate, and to be married. Many women have gotten themselves in big trouble by just taking the first person who was willing. You may well know yourself, but your description: "A woman in my late thirties who wants a partner to share my life with." doesn't give any information about who you are -- just your desperate-sounding need. I do want you to have your heart's desire, but as long as you focus on it this way, I don't know if you'd see it if you found it.

Yes, you can act in ways that cause people to like you, accept you, and want you. Not all people, but plenty. Demanding what you want like a bitter, spoiled child is not likely to achieve it.  Taking a more honest look at who you are and whether or not you are pushing people away, or walling your self off from them would serve you better. Depressed, bitter and angry are not attractive personality traits -- counting your blessings and being open to even more are a lot more attractive. You're only 37. You have lots of time to make your own dreams come true.  "Anticipating Change"  and "Where is Love?"  will help you understand what you can learn, rather than what won't work. "Dating: The Fine Art of “Squirrel Hunting” gives you a new way to approach dating.

Seek to make friends, because a network of friends will lead you to your love. I wish you all the best, and a happy outcome.

Dr. Romance's Guide to Finding Love Today will give you a lot of  great information to help you do better with your relationship search.


For low-cost phone counseling, email me at

Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.