Dear Dr. Romance:

I saw your article "The One Who Got Away " about getting back together with your ex.

Can this really happen? My wife is divorcing me because she has fallen out of love with me. We aren't divorced yet but are in the process by going to a mediator. It's something I do not want to happen. We have two beautiful kids together. I spend as much time as possible with them and my stbx does everything in her power to keep me in the loop of things. But she lost belief in the fact that we would ever be able to have things like other people do. She finally went to work full time now that she is trying to get the house. If she would have been willing to do that when we were together our financial problems would have been gone. It was like she expected me to do the majority of the work, but she was the one we sent to school to get the degree for 2 years. Anyway. If there are any steps you can offer me to take to keep this from deteriorating any further I would appreciate hearing them. I want my wife and family back. By the way there was no cheating, no abuse, good sex life. She just couldn't talk to me and tell me what was bothering her. Thank again for any help.

Dear Reader:

It's no use saying "If she would have been willing..."  You can say the same thing about yourself. If you had been willing to listen, this problem would not be happening.  Yes, you can probably fix your marriage, but in order to do so, you must listen to your wife (she needs to listen to you, too, but I'm not talking with her here.)   You're blaming her. That will do you no good.  Find out what you should have been doing, because you can fix that.

Ask her if she's willing to tell you what went wrong for her, and don't  argue or make excuses.  Just listen, and seek to understand things from her point of view.  You two don't have a partnership, and that's what a good marriage requires.   "What is a Dysfunctional Relationship"  will show you what is wrong.  Share the article with your wife.  "Apology and Forgiveness" will help you put the past to rest and start over. "Couples Can Cooperate for Success"  will show you how to learn to work together, and creating a loving, healthy marriage and family.

How to Be Happy Partners: Working it out Together will teach you the skills you need to know to make your marriage a happy one. 

Happy Partners cover

For low-cost counseling, email me at

Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.