Dear Dr. Romance: I think I am missing myself

Dear Dr. Romance:

I am a women in my early twenties from India. I have gone through your website and i think u can help me. For the first time in life I am so confused, so helpless, and I don't know what i want.  Everything is fine with me.  I am in a good relationship, doing my MBA (2nd  yr, Marketing) and everything is going perfect. But something is missing, I think I am missing myself.

I have lost my self-confidence n my fighting spirit. I don't know how I lost myself in this so called rat race.  I am not happy with myself, because for the first time in life I don't know what I want, or what i want to do. I want to be myself again, the same person I was in school & graduation.  Everybody was fond of me, impressed with my self confidence.  I remember my friends used to tell me that my luck runs 10 steps ahead me, and whatever I do in my life I will be the best.  But now these words have no meaning;   because I am not the same girl.  Actually i did not want to do this MBA, I wanted to go in journalism, but my father forced me to do this course.  I think I started destroying myself from that day.  I don't even want to attend my classes because I am not interested.  I don't want to study what professors teach. I'm really confused, I don't know how to come out of all this. Please help me.

Dear Reader:

You're very insightful to know you're missing yourself.  Please don't destroy yourself to make a point with your father.  An MBA can be useful, even in journalism.  You'll have inside information to write about business and new trends.  At least, you're getting an education, which is always useful.  Is there a school newspaper?  Why not volunteer to write a column on business trends interesting to college students?  That will combine your journalism dreams with your major.

Most of all, get back in touch with yourself.  You have let this battle with your father become more important to you than you are.  Take a few minutes to consider how you can make this path work for you.  Maybe life is trying to teach you something, and using your father as its messenger.  Read my article "Attitude: from Negative to Gratitude"  to help you re-align your thinking. All through the many years ahead of you, you will need to learn things you are not necessarily excited about.  This is a great opportunity to figure that out.  If you stop fighting and struggling, you'll save a lot of time and energy that you can apply to making your dreams come true. It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction will help you understand your family dynamics, and how to make your life your own.  

It Ends With You

For low-cost counseling, email me at

Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.

Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC News.