Dear Dr. Romance: 


I am 48 years of age, never married but would definitely like to. I am doing the online dating thing for a while now and so far no success.  I am currently speaking to a gentleman who lives in another state; but given he is currently a pilot he feels bicoastal is a good thing for him.  I, of course, am open to it. However, it’s all still very new.  He is going to arrange to meet with me soon and take it from there.   Well, I know it's all talk let's see what happens now.


In any event, the primary reason why I am writing is because I get depressed, lonely and get feelings of hopelessness. Sometimes I feel as though what I am doing is a waste of time.  It really can be discouraging but I try my best to get on my feet.  I have no support structure.  My mother passed away five years ago and my father almost one year ago as well. Therefore, I basically have no family except for a five year old niece that is currently in foster care about to be adopted.   I am strongly considering relocating.  This city has changed drastically and the cost of living has risen tremendously.  I think I can get more for the money elsewhere, but that is in the back of my head and remains to be seen.   I have a distant aunt who is discouraging and advices me to give up on the man thing since nothing works for me.  I am not ready to give up.  Although I admit it's discouraging I do have fun trying.   I am unhappy with work and basically have no friends.  Most of what I do to entertain myself I have to do alone and it takes the fun out of things.  It's good to have downtime but I have a bit too much.  There are times that I just don't know what do with myself, or even where to go as big as this city is.  There are but only so many museums you can go to and so many books you can read.   It really just comes down to wanting to be with someone. 


This gentleman I plan on meeting is 38 years of age and I am 48 years of age. He says he likes older women and does not want a family.  It works fine by now I can't have them he doesn't want them so it's all good.    What is your opinion on this?  I mean it is an 11 year age gap. 


I enjoyed reading your article on “The Colors of You” and it made me cry.  I am going to purchase some of your self help books but don't know which one yet.


Dear Reader:


I'm glad you liked "The Colors of You."  It sounds like you need to get a life.  If you want to move, this would be a good time, since you haven't established any connections there, but take care in choosing where you want to live.  Make sure your new place has what you want.  Yes, it would be cheaper to live elsewhere, but it won't benefit you if you don't like the place. 


I don't think an 11 year age difference is something to worry about, and long distance relationships can work, but one relationship is not enough to fill up your life.  Find some group activities to join.  If you like museums, every one has classes, lectures, and group activities.  Find one you're interested in that has something people come to regularly, and begin going.  After a few sessions, you'll begin making connections with people, and friendships can grow from that. You won't find happiness until you find friends; they make all the difference in your life. "Make New Friends, Keep Good Friends" will teach you how, and "Your Bestest Friend - You" will show you how to befriend yourself.  The best book for you to get is The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After Forty.  It will help you achieve balance in your life.


After 40 cover


For low-cost counseling, email me at

Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.

Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC News.