Dear Dr. Romance:

I wanted to get your reaction to something; what would it mean to you if someone said to you "So maybe I quit on our relationship." Yes my wife said this to me right before I left on deployment and I have been having a hard time dealing with it.

When I came home for R+R leave she admitted that she had quit but blamed on the fact that she didn't feel like I had shown her love by complimenting her enough. She has developed a real insecure streak and I have to tell her how good she looks all the time or she starts yelling at me.

I don't know where this all comes from and I have a real question in my mind, if a person can quit on me once can I trust them not to do it again? 

Dear Reader:

You two seem to focus on frightening each other. I know the separation is hard, and that probably adds to your own and your wife's insecurity. What you need to focus on is making your relationship as loving and enjoyable as possible. Stop worrying about her "quitting" on you. She got discouraged, but she's doing better now. Focus on telling her you love her, and asking her to tell you the same. "How to Be Irresistable to Your Mate"  will help you add more reassurance and sweetness to your marriange, and "Stop Reacting and Start Relating" will help both of you stop scaring each other.  The Commuter Marriage: Keep Your Relationship Close When You're Far Apart was written for couples in your situation.


Commuter Marriage cover


Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., "Dr. Romance," http://www.tinatessina.com, is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California, with 35+ years experience in counseling individuals and couples and CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for Love Filter - the Relationships Website. She's the author of 13 books in 17 languages, including Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage; Lovestyles: How to Celebrate Your Differences; and The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again. She publishes the Happiness Tips from Tina email newsletter, and the Dr. Romance Blog. She has written for and been interviewed in many national publications, and she has appeared on Oprah, Larry King Live and many other TV and radio shows.