Dear Dr. Romance:

My wife and I have been married for 17 yrs and we have a 14 yr old  daughter. My wife has stated to me that she is unhappily married and wants her own place.   I recently found hotel receipts, 1 day vacation cruise receipt, and  FaceBook photos of my wife and her mate.

I am devastated, hurt, feel betrayed, angry. I do not really know what to  do as of now. She stated she wants a divorce and individual counseling for herself only.  Also, She stated she currently has strong feelings for the guy and she love him.

The guy is married and he have 1 additional girlfriend and my wife know of it. Most of all he's a drug dealer and she say that's why she love him. Can you please help me? I feel like a reject

Dear Reader:

It seems pretty obvious to me that your wife has a drug addiction, and that's what made her drug dealer look good to her. I hope your daughter will be staying with you, if her mother is on drugs.  I don't know where you live, but you should find an Al-Anon meeting and attend -- it's for the spouses of addicts.  You can find one at

If I am right, and your wife is addicted, then all her thinking and choices are affected by the addiction.  Blaming yourself is not productive. What you need to focus on is building a good life for yourself and your daughter.  Hopefully, your wife will get help, come to her senses, get clean and sober, and come back, but you can't wait for that to happen. "Letting Go Takes Love"  and "Mirrors and Teachers" will help you find some clarity. The Real 13th Step: Discovering Confidence, Self-Reliance and Independence Beyond the 12-Step Programs will help you understand how addiction works, and what your wife would need to do to get free of drugs.  Good luck to you and your daughter. 

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Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.