Custody and Moving Can Present Problems in Shared Custody Divorces

With more couples today opting for shared custody either by mutual agreement or court order, there is a need to understand how custody and moving can affect the children. Of course the effects on the children will depend on the distance the move entails; if the parent with physical custody is moving a reasonable commuting distance from the other parent, it is not likely to cause any problems. However, if the parent with physical custody chooses to move out of state (or even into another county) the distance can be detrimental to the children's relationship with the other parent. rnThe other thing to keep in mind when you are contemplating shared custody and moving is that shared custody does not always mean the child shares physical custody with both parents; however, it does mean each parent is responsible for specific aspects of the child's upbringing. It is very difficult to do this when the parent with physical custody is not within reasonable driving distance. It also makes it difficult because the parent that has physical custody will feel he or she is the person best able to make the decisions that are best for the child. For instance, why should a parent living in another county or state have to be consulted about decisions concerning a child's education? It is the parent with physical custody that has primary knowledge of what the child is doing in school and what the school expects of students. rnCertainly there are ways around the problems that exist in shared custody and moving situations. Some of the possible solutions a couple might consider include the following: • Frequent phone calls between the parents about the child's life and things of importancern• Sharing of school progress reportsrn• Whenever possible invite the other parent to attend school conferences and other school related eventsrn• Encourage the children to remain in contact with their other parent through phone, email and lettersrn• Cooperate in all attempts at visitation—that doesn't mean you have to pay for an airplane ticket or drive your children an hour or more away, but be open to providing some assistance. • Share any pertinent medical information with your children's other parent even if you feel you have the situation under controlrn• Include your ex-spouse in some holiday celebrations. While it may appear awkward, especially if you are dating someone else, your children will appreciate your efforts. Things such as inviting the ex-spouse to birthday celebrations and special school events can only help them adjust better to the divorce.rnThe final analogy here is to do what is best for the children when it comes to a situation involving shared custody and moving. The divorce is hard enough on the children; you do not want to add to the trauma by finding excuses to exclude your ex-spouse in the lives of the children. By finding ways to keep your children from the other parent you are creating the potential for your children to resent you when they grow older.