The short film that was recently released by a big brand is yet another thing that focuses on ‘toxic masculinity’. There are some people who are pleased that it has been made, while there are others who have had a very different reaction.

If someone is on board with it, they could believe that some men need to realise that the behaviours that were pointed out in the video are not acceptable. Its then as though some men believe that bullying, harassment and violence, amongst other things, are essential when it comes to being a man.


For the people who didn’t have a positive response to this video, they may struggle to understand this view. Someone like this could say that these behaviours have absolutely nothing to do with masculinity or being a man.

If fact, someone could say that this is how a man behaves when he is not in a good way. Therefore, as opposed to saying that man like this is showing signs of ‘toxic masculinity’, it would be more accurate to say that he is a deeply wounded human being.

A More Balanced Outlook

It is then not that men like this were told that this is how real men behave or something similar; it is that they are behaving in a destructive way because their inner world is in a mess. What this also means, then, is that just as wounded men do destructive things, so do wounded women.

This doesn’t mean that their behaviour is therefore excusable; what it means is that making it all about ‘toxic masculinity’ is not the answer. What really needs to be looked into, that’s if someone actually cares about men and the world in general, is why some men are behaving in this way.

Both Sides

Along with this, looking into why some women behave in destructive ways will also be important. The mainstream media typically makes out all women are victims and all men are perpetrators, yet this has very little basis in reality.

When a woman behaves in a destructive manner her behaviour could be seen as a sign of ‘toxic femininity’, but once again, this wouldn’t shed light on why she is behaving in this manner. In order for a woman to make a false rape allegation or to physically abuse her own child, for instance, it surely shows that something is not right.

Hurt People Hurt People

If a man, or a woman, has the tendency to hurt other people, what it is likely to show is that at one point in time, they were deeply hurt by at least one person. Ultimately, it often takes a traumatised person to traumatise another.

At this time, it is clear that a lot of people on this planet are carrying a lot of pain, whether they realise it or not. This pain is not going to be healed by making out that one gender is the problem; the only thing it will do is create more pain and suffering.

Another Factor

Naturally, it would be an overreaction to say that one short film proves that men are being demonised. Another thing that has played into this narrative is the guidelines that were recently released by the American Psychological Association (APA).

This organisation has come out and said that ‘traditional masculinity’ is also harmful. So, traits such as stoicism, competitiveness, personal ambition, self-reliance, courage and aggression are now a problem.

A Bizarre Situation

If, then, a man possesses traits that are an important part of being able to function in the world, he is going to be seen as being a problem. What might not have occurred to these so-called ‘experts’, is that these are traits that both men and women posses.

On one side, men are being criticised for possessing these traits, but on the other, women are being praised for having them. For example, if a woman is a manager of a company, it is highly likely that she possesses a number of the traits that are seen as being part of ‘traditional masculinity’.

The Two Elements

What this comes down to is that both men and women are made up of masculine and feminine energies. Ergo, even though it is often seen as ‘progressive’ to be ‘gender fluid’, all human beings are, by their very nature, gender fluid and always have been.

With this in mind, is a moden day man someone who lets go of his masculine traits and embraces his feminine traits and a modern day woman someone who lets go off her feminine traits and embraces her masculine traits? Is it about turning men into women and women into men?

A Daily Attack

But, even if this short film hadn’t been made and the experts at the American Psychological Association (APA) hadn’t come out with any guidelines for men, there is still the propaganda that the mainstream media and the education system spew out on a daily basis.

In addition what these two sources come out with, there are the men and women who are on the ground, so to speak, who help to spread the poison that is disseminated by them. If a man does this, it can show that he is carrying a lot of shame and attacking other men is then a way for him to feel better about himself, and, if a woman does this, it can show that she also has a lot of pain deep within her being.


When a society is full of men who have been beaten down and who hate themselves, it is going to be a lot easier to control the society. Furthermore, by having men and women fighting each other, it keeps them distracted.

It is very tempting for someone to blame the opposite gender for all their problems and the ills of the world, yet this doesn’t solve anything. The only thing is does it allow someone to avoid taking responsibility for their own life, and, if they join a man/woman hating movement, they will add even more drama to the world.

The trouble is that as the human mind has all kinds of defences that will allow someone to avoid their pain, it can be very hard for them to be able to own their own issues. Due to these defence mechanisms, it can seem as though the problem is always ‘out there’ as opposed to out there being a reflection of what one needs to resolve within themselves.

Author's Bio: 

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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