Courage | Kathryn Crawford Wheat

I was recently asked to share my story of courage and the first thing that came to my mind was that my story isn’t that remarkable. It doesn’t seem to me that it’s much different than that of so many other people. I would like to say that when I was out there on that limb and hanging on for dear life, that my incredible FAITH led me there and comforted me. And it sounds great to say that I had courage in the face of difficulty. But in all honesty, I was pretty much pushed out on that limb and I was scared beyond belief. My life was turning upside down and I was just dealing with the blows as they came.

About 2 years ago my husband and I decided that we were going to get a divorce. We had been married 22 ½ years and had 2 beautiful children together but neither one of us was happy. I could play the blame game but I won’t. We were both at fault. I had just as much responsibility in the failure as he did. In fact, I was glad to put an end to the union. I knew that I DID deserve to be happy and had realized that for many reasons, happiness wasn’t going to happen staying in this marriage.

My 2 biggest fears were: how it was going to affect the kids, ages 16 (daughter) and 21 (son) at the time; and how it would affect me financially? There were many surprises in both areas.

The kids tried to put on a brave face and said that it wouldn’t affect them much. Their dad travelled a lot anyway and had all of their lives. He rented a house not too far away but in a bigger city and closer to the school our daughter attended. Our son moved in with him to take advantage of the great internet connection and to take advantage of the privacy that this large house would offer him. What 21 year old wouldn’t want that? My relationship with him stayed on good terms but I didn’t see him nearly as much as I had. But I guess it was time for that. My daughter wasn’t driving yet and her father and I took turns taking her back and forth if he was in town. When she obtained her drivers’ license, her father made it very attractive for her to stay with him. It was much closer to her school and she could have soooooo much more freedom with him. He told her that I had had my foot on her neck for 16 years and it was time she got to do some things. I started seeing her less and less and when I did see her, I noticed her changing. Along with the newly found freedom came a lot more responsibility…..like finding money to buy groceries. You see dad was still gone a lot and had never before had to take on the role of caring for the house. Many things fell through the cracks. I was very embarrassed when I learned that some of my daughters’ friends would give her food to take home with her when she came over. And when my son complained of how dirty everything was, I could only imagine what it was like. The low for me during this time was when my daughter was allowed (at the age of 16) to throw a New Year’s Eve party and her dad provided the alcohol. There just wasn’t anything that I felt that I could do other than pray. It was ALL I had. Yes, my family and friends were there for me but really no one could stop what was going on. It was horrible. I was forced to Let Go and Let God or go insane.

My financial worries came to fruition as well. You see my husband had wanted me to stay at home and raise the kids. With his travelling so much, it made things much easier that my schedule was so flexible. Our first child was born 11 months after we got married. I always felt so blessed that we were able to make this possible. I took care of the house, kids, served on school and church committees, taught Sunday School, was Room Mom……All of the kinds of things that are great and wonderful but don’t build much of a resume. I hadn’t been in Corporate America in a very long time. I had no degree to fall back on and my computer skills were nearly non-existent! I managed to hang onto the house but went through all of the money I had, sold what jewelry I could, and then borrowed a very large sum of money from a dear friend in order to keep up the house payments and maintenance until it finally sold 1 ½ years later. My divorce settlement was wrapped up in the equity of the house so it was imperative that I not lose it. I eventually sold the house for about half of what it was priced at from the beginning. I was down to only a few hundred dollars at the time of closing. I’m sure that you have now figured out that my divorce settlement wasn’t what I originally thought it would be. And to add more heartache, my mother lived on the same property and was forced to move as well.

So what did I do? How did I survive all of this? I can tell you that there were MANY tears. When I was crying my eyes out I didn’t feel courageous at all. But I just kept praying and doing the things that I knew how to do. With help from family and amazing friends I started an on-line magazine for women. www.WomansInSite.com . Many of the popular articles are my personal stories. Writing was, and still is, very therapeutic. I have met with a few financial planners to try and get some advice on how I should proceed. When I tell them about my new start-up business I can tell that some of them think I am crazy. But one asked me if I had a plan B. I looked him in the eyes and said NO I don’t have a plan B. I will make plan A work. He looked at me and said “good, everyone that has a plan B never puts everything into plan A”.

So now, I’m dating an amazing man, loving the simplicity of apartment life and building my business. God continues to put the right people in my path and I feel blessed. I’m happier than I ever thought I could be. My ex-husband remarried about 7 months after the divorce was final and moved to another city. We are currently not on speaking terms but it is my hope that someday we can both put aside all of our hurt and anger. My daughter moved back home, has now graduated from high school and is in the process of trying to figure out where she wants to go from here. She is wise in many ways as a result of her experiences and is growing up to be a fine young lady. Our relationship is better than ever and she knows that I love her unconditionally. My son is now living on his own working full time and will be returning to college next semester. He has also learned much from all of this. We continue to be very close and he knows that my love for him has no limits. We have all grown as people and in our faith. We wouldn’t be who we are today if we hadn’t travelled the journey we’ve been on. I have NO regrets!

You can call it courage but it really was just God doing his work on me. I was carried through this. I didn’t voluntarily go out on this limb but God has given me the strength and courage to hang on. I know that He has many good things for me so I’m able to hold tightly to my faith in order to Let Go and Let God!