Dark Days and Lonely Nights…….

The dark pit of grief that yawned below my feet threatening to swallow me whole for weeks after my loved one’s death from cancer is finally fading and the overwhelming grief is subsiding to a dull ache in the middle of my chest.

People kept telling me that time would bring healing. It seemed such a trite comment at the time. They were right, but I’m finding it a long, lonely, slow and painful process. It’s a time of acknowledging every raw emotion, facing frightening visions and memories, releasing and healing inside and out.

Just when you think “today is going to be a better day”, you hear a song that drags up memories of happier times, or you come across a note written by your departed loved one that is meaningless to anyone but you…another reminder of how empty you feel inside.

The nights are still the worst. So long as I am distracted, I can keep moving like a robot on auto-pilot, but the moment the lights go out and I am surrounded by a deep, empty silence, the images and deep-seated emotions surface in a rush, threatening to bring me to my knees me all over again.

I’ve taken to talking out loud to Alan about what I’m doing and what I’m thinking. I ask him what he’s doing and so on. I sometimes wonder if the responses in my head are my own, or from him on the other side. The veil between the two dimensions is so thin and I am convinced he can hear me, even if I can’t hear him. Maybe one day when I’m calmer and more receptive I will get a clear reply.

A good friend sent me an extract from one of the Abraham-Hicks channellings about the dying process and it was lovely. They were saying that even if someone’s death is traumatic, the person crosses over very quickly before the experience becomes unbearable – like waking from a dream. Except the dream they waken from is this earthy existence. They wake on the other side, to our true reality as completely whole, eternal, divine beings of light.

How wonderful is that!!

I guess I have gone through the normal grieving process and have now reached a place of gentle acceptance of what is - a place of peace and calm, knowing that all is at it should be. All is perfect.

Not a day goes by that I do not miss “my angel” and no matter what happens in my life going forward, I know he will be close by keeping me safe and guiding me.

Now it’s time to begin the slow journey back to “me”.

I have no idea who “me” is at the moment, but I will gradually reconnect with that aspect of myself, with my divine inner being, and then my Soul will soar once more like my Totem, the fish eagle, wild and free.

Till then, I will continue to live in each precious moment as it happens - that perfect NOW - grateful for all the lessons I am learning.

Affirmations for coping with grief:

• There is no separation in the Universe, all is ONE
• My loved one hears me when I call
• I AM surrounded by loving energy
• Today is a good day
• I treat myself lovingly and with gentleness
• I move through grief with ease
• There is no time limit on grief
• My loved one is always nearby
Death is just one door closing and another opening

There is no right or wrong way for coping with grief. It’s a very personal journey of finding inner peace and acceptance of loss. It’s important to give yourself the time and space to grieve. In time blessed healing will occur and your life will begin to move along once again. Till that time, just BE with your grief.


Author's Bio: 

Linney Elder is the author of “Infinitely Possible – A Cancer Odyssey”, a freelance researcher and writer, Reiki Master Teacher, intuitive healer and perennial student of life. Join her on this magical journey of self-discovery - read more insights and related subjects on her website: www.infinitely-possible.com This article was originally published on my website. © Copyright 2011 - Linney Elder. All Rights reserved.