One of my email buddies wrote about something very interesting this morning that gave me yet, another morning coffee AHA moment that I would love to share with you.

Just as I had referred to that annoying voice inside our heads in my last blog, how do we stifle the real life of the whiners or negative naysayers in our lives? What's a person to do when they start to master the art of positivity but cannot escape the wrath of conflict bullies and emotional bloodsuckers? How do we get rid of them? Or, better yet, how can we live in harmony when in a non-harmonious relationship?

We all know them. The person in our life that no matter how much advice they reach out for, they never take it. The neighbor who literally waits for your car to pull up at the end of the day to casually make conversation that begins and ends with her self created drama for the day? (Remember that term - Self Created Chaos or SCC for short)

Do we walk around with ear plugs, or worse, maize?

Listen; when I talk about a world with no negativity and all positivity, I realize that it is almost next to impossible to avoid conflict, drama and stressful relationships. As many of my blogs reflect, my goal is to help you obtain the tools to put on your emotional armor that will help you get to a better place and reach your goals. In a perfect world, that would be all you need.

However, we know that the best part about life is how imperfectly perfect it is.

How about taking a new approach when you get into it with your friend, neighbor or sibling? For a moment, try to imagine they don't have the tools that you have to deal with the conflict. For a moment, realize, that they aren't hard-wired like you and see the world in a totally different way? Hard to imagine, but true.

You are the only person who sees things through your own eyes.

Perhaps, by taking a step back and outside your own way of thinking, you may have a greater understanding of the situation?

Take for example, what has worked for me. There have been many twists and turns to my life that of course, I thought were not my fault. But when you look at the bigger picture, it wasn't about winning. It's what you can learn about yourself and the relationship that brings you tension.

When you take out the "I want to win" card and look at the problem outside the box, so to speak, you may see things differently.

Maybe your fight with a co-worker really isn't about the actual problem that you argue about. In reality, maybe you will see that maybe your co-worker is having financial problems and seems to be blowing off steam in your direction due to your continued success at work?

Seek understanding about yourself through the problems you have with others. And when you do, you may be less reactive and more proactive the next time conflict arises.

Have you ever noticed that you start to "expect" trouble from people? How certain friends, etc. in your life you have labeled to be troublemakers and no matter, have no shot on achieving a different title?

Why don't you sit back and concentrate on the good they may bring to your life (if any) and see what happens? Start to expect good things from them, instead of bad things. With a new level of understanding on how they "tick" combined with new positive expectations from them, this may be an antidote to a potential "friend" break-up.

I know, you may be saying this is hypocritical when I tell you almost daily, to surround yourself with positivity. But, what if, perhaps, these negative naysayers need a just an emotional boost and dose of positive vibes from you? What if that is all they need begin to lessen their confrontational ways and gain more perspective on a life that is full of opportunity?

So, the next time you want to clean house and rid yourself of those that don't bring much to the happiness table, think again. Don't write them off just yet. Give yourself the opportunity to learn from them and gain perspective on how the outside world views you, too. Find ways to use these experiences as a chance to add more dimensions to your life as well as to your relationships.

Be patient with yourself and others today; see what happens. Remember, it takes a friend to be a friend.

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."
- Anon

Author's Bio: 

Author's Bio
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1. Who is Patti?

I am a forty something single mom of two awesome kids. In the past six years, I have: separated and divorced, finished a graduate degree with honor’s, started a part-time career as a writing instructor at a local college, opened up my own business as a transition coach, and as of November 2008, became newly engaged! In addition, I have finished my basic training to become part of a collaborative law team.
As you can see, it has been quite an eventful few years! However, I have never felt more fulfilled in my life.

2. How did I do it?

I can honestly tell you that I have utilized many of the same principles I learned in graduate school (I have a Master’s of Arts in Teaching) and applied them to my life. I thought, “What are my goals? Where do I want to be in one year – two years – five years? How am I going to get there?” (Think of this as being your own tutor!)
Like a teacher does with her class, I wrote out my lesson plans on how to achieve those goals. Hour-by-hour, day-to-day, week-to-week, month-to-month, slowly but surely, I kept my eye on those goals and made sure that I kept forging ahead, even on the days I barely could get out of bed. (On those days, I gave myself a gold star for even making myself a pot of coffee or going to the dry cleaners!)

This is a true testimony on how you can use a crisis to create a new path for your future. That is what I did. I took all the pain and suffering I had during my divorce, turned it around into a positive learning experience.

3. What is the magic formula that makes my business thrive?

I knew that knowledge was power and the better educated I was as to what I could expect from the transition going on in my life – my transition process – the better. I wanted to be one step ahead of the game when meeting with the professionals and my goal was to be the ideal client.I wanted to use this change as a way of exploring my character and my drive.

So, I challenged myself – I wanted to get the most for my money when meeting with my lawyers and other professionals for many reasons – I wanted to save money, not waste my time talking about emotional issues during our meetings and I wanted to get it over with as smoothly (and quickly) and possible. And, most of all, I wanted to learn the tools on how to learn and grow from this time of change in my life. I didn’t want this possibly uncertain time to define who I was. I wanted to own it and move on.
In the meantime, I read and studied books on goal-setting and laws of attraction as well as countless books on people who not only survived, but thrived during times of transition (refer to recommended book list). I realized there was very little information out there on how people overcame obstacles in their lives and the techniques they had when accomplishing goals during tough times.

While I was studying and researching the various aspects of life transitioning and how to do it right, so to speak, I would reward myself with reading books on how to achieve your dreams! As a result, Patricia Phelan Clapp M.A., the Transition Coach, was created!

All you need to do is commit to wanting to move forward in a positive direction.

Let’s get started! - (50% of my coaching is done via telephone and/or online correspondence)

4. What material will we cover at your coaching sessions?

* We will find the necessary resources for you during this transition process.

* We will focus on creating a positive client-based relationship that will give you the ability to compartmentalize this transition process separate from your emotions.

* I will help you achieve your goals and find a balance between the transition you are facing and moving on with your life.

* A step-by-step plan will be devised on how to come up with an action plan towards obtaining your goals.

* By creating a road map for you to follow during this time of uncertainty in your life, we can concentrate on empowering you with the peace, self-respect and hope that may have been lost along the way.

5. Background Information and Training

A. Adjunct Writing Instructor - Brookdale Community College

* specialty: collaborative teaching and process writing approach, basic skills teacher.

* focus: instruction via academic coaching – my goal is to have the students feel academically enthusiastic and confident upon completion of the class while mastering the fundamentals of essay writing.

* areas of interest/themes of the lessons: modern day heroes, laws of attraction, life lessons with Morrie from Tuesdays with Morrie, the Pay it Forward movement, how to stay motivated in an academic world.

B. Patricia Phelan Clapp M.A. LLC – Founder

* specialty - motivational speaker, consultant, coach – business and professional.

* focus - executive coaching, social media networking, finding professional resources for clients going through transition, working as part of a legal team on assisting clients to stay-solution focused and goal-oriented, utilize proactive methods on how to navigate the waters of change – both professionally and personally, how to encourage moving forward during times of transition.

* areas of interest - Collaborative Law. Social Media and Marketing, Strategic Planning, Success Principles for Entrepreneurs.

Mediation Training- as approved by AOC for CLE hours.
Basic Collaborative Law Training – completed 6/13/09

Graduate Student - Rowan University

* candidate for M.A. In Writing - 4.0 GPA (previously obtained an M.A. in Teaching - 3.97 GPA)

Favorite Quotes:

“We can only appreciate the miracle of a sunrise if we have waited in the darkness.”

“Anxiety is the hand maiden of creativity.” T.S. Eliot

“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” Judy Garland

“Talk about a dream, try to make it real.” Bruce Springsteen

Business Address:

Patricia Phelan Clapp M.A. LLC

Piff – Tomaro Professional Building

1704 Maxwell Drive

Suite 302

Wall, New Jersey 07719

(732) 865-5377

“Helping you find the resources you need to stay focused and balanced during professional and personal times of transition.”