The topic of Christian remarriage has caused many a heated debate between brothers and sisters in Christ. The question at hand? Whether or not remarrying after divorce is a sin or not? Frankly, this debate is unfruitful. The reason? because the whole foundation of Christianity is built upon the redemption Christ provided when He was crucified. Through His death, forgiveness was issued for all sin. That's right, the blood of Jesus covers all sin. And since all means "everything" and excludes nothing, it would also cover the sin of remarriage. That is, for those who believe it to be sin.

So, instead of adding fuel to the fire or stirring-up another debate, I thought it would be far more fruitful to offer some experiential advice. Advice to those Christians who are now remarried or planning to be. The truth is, Christian remarriage is on the rise; unfortunately, that also means Christian divorce is steadily increasing. So, rather than debate over it, I will instead offer you a few words of wisdom so that you can guard yourself from this devastation a second time. Because whether you believe remarriage is a sin or not, the fact is, God hates divorce. "For I hate divorce!" says the LORD, the God of Israel. "It is as cruel as putting on a victim's bloodstained coat," says the LORD Almighty. "So guard yourself; always remain loyal to your wife." Malachi 2:16, NLT.

Lesson #1- Check Your Baggage at the Door

Okay, I'm not talking about your Samsonite luggage that the airlines lost. I'm referring to your emotional baggage. What is emotional baggage? Emotional baggage is a combination of all the dysfunctional responses you've had to specific traumatic situations in your life. Notice, the key phrase in the last sentence is "dysfunctional responses". It's important you understand the difference. You see, emotional baggage is not a culmination of all the unpleasant experiences you've had in your life, including your last marriage. Rather, it's about how you responded to those experiences. Let's use marriage and money as an example. If your former husband or wife was so frivolous with money that it led you to file for bankruptcy, how did you process that emotionally? Did your anger and displeasure lead you to conclude that "all men" or "all women" are financially irresponsible? Did you tell yourself, "next time I'm going to take control of the finances"? Well, maybe your history does not include any trauma in the area of finances, but we've all had our share of emotional trauma of some sort. The simple but difficult thing to do is to avoid projecting these feelings onto your new spouse. Remember, he or she is not the person you divorced. If you come into your second marriage with preconceived notions, or apprehensions about your new spouse doing what your former spouse did, you are surely headed for disaster. If you cannot rid yourself of this emotional baggage, or at the very least seek help to work through it, then you may want to reconsider marrying a second time.

Lesson #2- Learn from the Past

Albert Einstein said the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. The Bible tells us to leave the past behind and to press forward. Both of these are principles you would do good to embrace. As you move forward into your new life with your new husband or wife, you undoubtedly must leave the past in the past. But at the same time, you must be able to glance at the past and see the mistakes you made in order to avoid repeating them. Did you get that? The mistakes "you" made, not the mistakes your ex-spouse made. Analyzing and or obsessing over the mistakes of your ex-spouse will not be profitable. But being mature enough to glance back and see your own character flaws and mistakes will prove to be quite valuable in successfully building your new relationship. But don't limit this practice to just your previous marriage. This principle should be practiced regularly in day to day life. You see, failing to see your mistakes will invariably cause you to continue making the same choices. And you guessed it, that means your continue to experience the same marriage troubles in your second marriage.

Lesson #3- Uncover Your Motivations

By this, I mean what are your real reasons for wanting to remarry? Your response should go deeper than the typical cliches like, "because I'm in love." You see, it is not uncommon for those who have been married before to romanticize certain aspects of married life as the years pass by. For instance, once divorced you may become lonely and begin to glamorize how wonderful it was to always have someone around the house. When the truth is, the two of you were like two ships passing in the night. Or you may begin romanticizing how nice and convenient it was to be able to have sex anytime you wanted it. Well, was it really any time you wanted it? Most likely not.

Other contributors that can cloud motivations are mental and emotional exhaustion. This is often seen in single parents who are divorced. Over time, you can become mentally and emotionally drained. And rightly so, being both father and mother is one of the most difficult roles any parent can take on. Out of pure exhaustion you begin to dream about what it would be like to have help with the children, the finances, and the many other things that are weighing on your shoulders. But you must not allow any of these factors to be your motivation for wanting to remarry.

You see, there is a danger in preparing for remarriage with the wrong motivations. The danger is this, you can develop tunnel vision. When this happens, you are unable to see the stuff that really matters. What if it happens that this is not the person you should marry? or what if the timing is all wrong? Unfortunately, if you have tunnel vision, none of that will matter. It won't matter because you'll only see that which is motivating you. Much like the proverbial dangling carrot.

Lesson #4- Include Christ This Time

Perhaps you're thinking this should have been lesson number one. But perhaps it's better served as the last point so that you'll remember it. You know, it astonishes me when I think about the number of couples who consider themselves Christians, but don't practice Christianity. A loose definition of a Christian is one who has accepted and follows Christ. So, if you are not following Christian principles within your marriage, can you really call it a Christian marriage? Now, take a glance back at your first marriage and ask yourself if the two of you honestly followed/practiced Christian principles regarding marriage. If the answer is no then this should be your number one priority in your second marriage. Simply put, there is no Christian marriage, or Christian remarriage if you remove "Christ" from the equation.

Author's Bio: 

Ministers Mike and Wanda Collins are authorities on Christian marriage transformation. They have impacted the lives of countless couples from various countries with their website, free materials, and their progressive alternative approach to Christian marriage counseling. They are highly respected among their peers as spiritual leaders, marriage coaches, and co-laborers in the Body of Christ