In general, it is believed that once someone is an adult, their childhood years will be well and truly behind them. It could be said that this is to be expected, considering that they will look like an adult.

That phase of their life will be over and it simply won’t be possible for them to return to it. Along with this, what they need now that they are an adult will be different from what they needed as a child.

A Few Similarities

Of course, they will still need food and water and want to sleep, for instance, but a lot of their needs will be different. They may now want to have a fulfilling career; that’s if they don’t already have one.

If they do, they may want to take their career to the next level. And although they will still need guidance, they probably won’t want someone else to tell them what to do all the time.

New Clothes

So, in the same way that they will have outgrown the clothes that they used to wear as a child, they will have outgrown a lot of what they needed. Consequently, what they want as an adult is going to have very little to do with what they wanted all those years ago.

However, while it may seem as though their childhood is behind them and is not having much of an impact on what they want in the present, what if it is not this black and white? If they were able to take a step back and to reflect on their life, they might not see how their adult life is connected to their childhood years.

Covered Up

Now, although there is the chance that their adult life has very little to do with what took place during their early years, it could be that they are simply oblivious to what is actually going on in their life. This doesn’t mean that they are stupid or that there is something wrong with them.

What it is likely to mean is that their mind has blocked out what took place in order to protect them. Therefore, if they were able to remove these blocks, they would start to understand why their life is the way that it is.

By Design

When it comes to the emotional wounds that they are carrying from their early years that they are not aware of, these would have been too painful for them to handle. Their mind would have disconnected from what took place to stop them from being overwhelmed.

At the time this would have protected them, but now that time has passed, it will cause them to repeat the same thing over and over again. For them to no longer repeat something, they will need to heal the emotional wounds that are keeping a pattern in place.

Going Deeper

For example, someone could find that they continually end up with people who are emotionally unavailable and/or that they constantly come into contact with people who abuse their power. If they can relate to the former, their intimate relationships are likely to be frustrating and unfulfilling.

On the other hand, if they can relate to the latter, they could work somewhere where they often feel violated and are walked over by others. This experience could be a common theme in every area of their life.

An External Problem

Without this self-knowledge, not only won’t they be able to see that this is a pattern; they also won’t be able to see that these outer challenges are mirroring back the challenges that they had during their early years. Instead, it will appear as though they just happen to end up with people who are not available or those that want to take advantage of them, for instance.

And by focusing on what is going on ‘out there’ and not dealing with what is taking place within them, it is not going to allow their life to permanently change. Yet, as they won’t have had access to the original wounds and couldn’t see that their external reality was a reflection of these wounds, it would have been perfectly normal for them to try to change their external world and to even feel like a powerless victim.

A Big Mark Was Left

During their early years, they may have experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. This might have occurred throughout this time in their life or it might not have lasted very long.

Either way, what they experienced would have had a big impact on every part of their being. It won’t matter how many years pass as time alone won’t resolve what they went through.

Drawing the Line

Once their inner world starts to change, their outer world will gradually follow suit. They will no longer be resonating at the same frequency, which will cause them to be out of sync with what they were in alignment with.

A big part of this work will be for their wounded inner child to realise that the needs that were not met all those years ago will never be met. These unmet childhood needs will need to be faced and then grieved.


If someone can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, five hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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