One thing that can take place, that’s if someone has experienced childhood trauma, is that they can typically live ‘up top’. This means that their point of focus will primarily be in their head.

When their point of focus is in their head, they won’t be aware of what is taking place in their body. This means that their feelings and most of their needs will be a mystery to them.

The Norm

There is the chance that they have been this way since the beginning of their life, which means that they might not even be aware of what is going on. This will just be what is normal, then, and there will no reason for it to stand out.

However, although this can be something that doesn’t stand out, it doesn’t mean that being this way won’t cause them problems. Thanks to the impact these problems have on their life, they can be only too aware of them.

The Symptoms

Therefore, although one might not be aware of the cause, they will certainly be aware of the effects. One can find that they have the tendency to feel cut-off from their fellow human beings and life itself.

Further, they may often feel lonely, anxious and low, and as though something is missing. Knowing what to do with their life and if something is right for them can also be something that they struggle with.

The Solution

Taking this into account, their life is not going to be very fulfilling and they may often wonder why they are here. For this to change, and for them to feel connected to others and the world, to feel whole, and to know what is right for them, they will need to re-connect to their body.

This part of their being is where their true-self will be found; it won’t be found in their head. Once they get into this part of their being and they have the ability to stay there, their life will be radically different.


Now, even though this is the solution to a lot of their problems, it doesn’t mean that they can just get back into their body. If it was just a case of getting back in there, there would be no reason for them to live on the surface of themselves to begin with.

So, while their life can be unbearable at times, it might not be as bad as it would be if they were to get into their body. Deep down, this can be seen as something that is too much of a risk.

A Deep Hole

If they were to get into their body, they could end up coming into contact with a lot of pain. This pain could be so overwhelming that they might want to go back into their head more or less as soon as they connect with their body.

To use an analogy: it can be as if they are in drowning and need someone or something to pull them out of the water. In order to avoid losing themselves, they won’t want to connect to this part of them.

Another Part

What can also arise during this time is the fear of being annihilated. Ergo, being in their body is not only going to be overwhelming, it can also cause them to feel that their life is going to come to an end.

If they were to reflect on their life, they may see that this is something that they have experienced whenever they have got close to anyone. This fear will have given them the need to keep people at bay.

A Boundaryless State

In addition to carrying a lot of pain, what is clear is that they don’t feel safe enough to be in their body. And if they don’t feel safe enough to be in their body, it will most likely mean that they don’t feel safe enough to exist.

The energetic boundaries that the average person takes for granted - something that will allow someone to feel safe and secure - won’t be in place. Considering what is taking place deep inside them, it is to be expected that they will live in this way.

Back In Time

Their early years may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis. As a result of this, they would have frequently felt as though their life was going to come to an end.

The person/people who were supposed to love, care and protect them would have caused them a lot of harm. What took place would have defined their view of people and set them up to associate closeness with death.

Moving Forward

For them to be able to embrace life, they will need to be able to embrace their own body. To the degree that the latter takes place will be the degree that the former takes place.

Naturally, this is not going to take place overnight due, in part, to how much arousal/charge there is in their system. This will be a gradual process and not something that can be forced, no matter how much one wants their life to change.


If one can relate to this, and they want their life to change, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, five hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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