What someone may see, if they were to step back and reflect on their early years, is that they were often treated as though they had no value and were worthless. So, they might have often been physically harmed and verbally put down and largely been deprived of the emotional nutrients that they needed.

Being treated in this way and missing out on what they needed would have greatly wounded them. In fact, the damage that was done could have been so severe that even though many decades have passed since they were treated in this way, they are still in a bad way.

A Big Impact

What this will illustrate is that time alone won’t have allowed them to move on from what took place. Based on how they often feel, it could be as if what took place only happened a few days ago.

This might also show that they haven’t engaged in any healing work as of yet. If this is so, the sooner they take the first step, the sooner they will be able to move forward.

A Strange Scenario

Now, when they think about what took place, they could struggle to understand why they were treated so badly. Along with this, a big part of them could believe that they deserved to be treated like dirt.

If they do, it could be said that it will be perfectly normal for them to have this view. The reason for this is that they would have been egocentric at this stage of their life and, thus, personalised what took place.

A Natural Consequence

The level of development that they had at this stage of their life was then why they responded in this way. This is also why, if they had been treated well, they would have also taken this to heart.

Instead of having a felt sense of being worthless and unlovable, they would have a felt sense of being valuable and lovable. Feeling good about themselves would feel comfortable, not uncomfortable.

A key Point

Keeping this in mind is unlikely to transform how they feel but it will be an important understanding nevertheless. When it comes to why they were treated so badly, there is a strong chance that the parent or parents who mistreated them was not in a good way.

In all likelihood, and assuming that it was one parent, this parent was deeply wounded. This is likely to be due to what took place during their formative years, with this being a time when they were deprived of the love that they needed.

Deeply Undermined

If they were mistreated at this stage of their life, they would have experienced a lot of pain. To handle this pain, they would have ended up disconnecting from themselves and become an unfeeling human being in the process.

Their true self would have been covered up and they would have gradually created a false self. In addition to this, their brain might have also been damaged, with their frontal cortex, in particular, being affected.

Another Stage

The years would have passed but they would have continued to be in a disordered state as an adult and the feelings that they had to repress would have still been held inside them. If they had gone to see a psychologist at this point, they might have been diagnosed as having at least one personality disorder.

When they became a mother or a father, they would have had a powerless and dependent being with which to unconsciously dump their disowned feelings into. Seeing their child as being worthless and unlovable, would have helped them to keep their own painful feelings at bay.

A Defence

With this in mind, thanks to how disordered they were, they projected their disowned parts onto their child and actually believed that their child was the problem. Furthermore, as they were in a shut down and disconnected state and lacked empathy, they would have been able to behave in this way without feeling guilty and ashamed.

Due to how wounded they were, it is unlikely that they engaged in a great deal of self-reflection or had much self-awareness. They would then have looked like a normal human being but they had lost touch with their humanity.

No Chance

Ultimately, as one was powerless and dependent and wide open at this stage and they had at least one parent who was in a very bad way, irrespective of whether they were able to hide their destructive nature around others, they were bound to suffer. The truth, though, is that they didn’t deserve to be treated in this way and they are not worthless, unlovable or incapable.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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