If someone was abused and/or neglected during their early years, there is the chance that their life is far harder than it would be otherwise. They can have mental and emotional problems, health problems, and their relationships could be in a complete mess.

However, while what took place during their early years will have undermined them, it doesn’t mean that they have been able to join the dots, so to speak. Instead, they may believe that this is just how life is.

The Norm

As a result of this, there will be no reason for them to do anything to change their life. Their life will be a struggle but they will just have to do the best that they can to handle what is taking place.

The sooner that they are able to realise why their life is the way it is and to reach out for help, the better. Until that time, there is the chance that their life could end up getting even worse.

It’s Clear

On the other hand, if someone has been able to join the dots, they may have reached out for support. If they haven’t done so, it could be because they feel too ashamed to do so and believe that they would be rejected if they did.

If this is the case, it will be important for them to realise that the toxic shame that inside them is making it hard for them to think clearly and that there are plenty of people out there that would support them. They will have joined the dots, the first part, now they will need to take the next step.

A Courageous Journey

If someone has reached out for support and they are working through their wounds, they will be doing something that takes a lot of courage. This won’t mean that they are fearless; it will mean that they are not allowing their fear to completely hold them back.

It won’t matter if they are going at a very slow pace as the main thing is that they are not suffering in silence. A part of them, however small it may be, will know that they don’t deserve to suffer.

Looking For Answers

In addition to the work that they are doing with a therapist, healer or a support group, for instance, they might be spending a lot of time reading books and/or articles that go into what took place. This can show that they are committed to their own healing, as opposed to looking towards someone else to do everything for them.

There may be times when they will need to take a step back after something heavy has been triggered. During this time they can be kind to themselves and remember that the healing journey is a marathon, not a race.

At The Root

Now, irrespective of what one experienced during their early years or if they have reached out for support, there are likely to be certain beliefs that they carry. But even though these will just be beliefs, they could be things that one sees as being the truth.

Not only will these beliefs define how they see themselves, they will also define how they see others and what they think is possible, amongst other things. And as their early years were extremely traumatic, it is unlikely that these beliefs are accurate or empowering.

Diving In

So, based on what they went through as a child, they may have some, if not all, of the following beliefs:

· That they are inherently worthless
· That they are unlovable
· That it is not safe enough for them to say ‘no’
· That their needs are not important
· That their feelings are not important
· That they deserved to be treated badly
· That it is not safe for them to be seen or heard
· That there is something wrong with who they are
· That they will be rejected and then abandoned if they don’t please others
· That they are useless and incapable
· That they are not enough
· That other people can’t be trusted
· That it is not safe enough to be vulnerable
· That it is not safe enough for them to exist
· That they don’t deserve to be here

A Massive Impact

Even if one only has a few of these beliefs, they will still exert a big influence on their life. For many, many years, these beliefs will have been influencing their life, with one being completely oblivious to what was going on.

Fortunately, now that they are aware of these beliefs, they will be able to do something about them. These beliefs will be like the poles that keep a tent up; without them in place, their experience of life will change.

A Different Reality

What this means is that their thoughts and feelings can change, along with their behaviour, they can see life differently, and people can respond differently. Ultimately, their experience on this earth will be different because they are no longer the same.

This also shows that it doesn’t matter if something or true or not as the external world will simply mirror back what they believe. Becoming aware of these beliefs, and dealing with them, will be a big part of what liberates them from a time in their life that set them up to believe things that were simply not true.


The other thing that will be part of this process will be working through the trauma that they experienced at this stage of their life. This is something that can take place by using a technique called Somatic Experiencing or TRE.

Author's Bio: 

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, three hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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