One outcome of early abuse and/or neglected is that someone may find that it is hard for them to fulfil their needs now that they are an adult. What could be normal for them is taking care of other people’s needs.

As a result of this, they are going to spend a lot of time being there for others but very little time being there for themselves. Not only this, other people might rarely be there for them either.

Suffering in Silence

However, there is a strong chance that there will be plenty of people that will give them positive feedback. Over the years, a number of people could even describe them as someone who is ‘selfless’.

Therefore, while they will be neglecting themselves, this won’t be something that the average person will pick up on. One will then continue to behave in this way and their life could get worse as time goes by.

Running On Empty

Living in this way is going to stop them from being able to make sure that their cup is full, so to speak. If they did take care of their own needs, they would be able to fully show up for others.

This reason for this is that they would be coming from a place of strength, not weakness. Taking care of their own needs would allow them to be at the best, which would mean that they would truly be able to be of service to others.

A Miserable Existence

When they are around others, they could typically come across as happy and as though they are pleased with how their life is going. Yet, even if this is so, they are likely to be having a very different experience on the inside.

When they are in their own company, they could be used to feeling angry, frustrated and powerless. Still, how they experience life could just be seen as how life is, with their being absolutely nothing that they can do to change it.


What this will most likely show is that one is not aware of the part that they are playing when it comes to how they are experiencing life. It will then be as though they are nothing more than an observer, having no effect whatsoever.

Furthermore, one is not going to be aware of the effect that their early years have had on how they experience life. What this may illustrate is that their mind has blocked out what took place due to how traumatic it was.

A Clear Memory

Then again, one might be only too familiar with what took place, with this being something that often enters their mind. Nonetheless, they still might not see how what took place is influencing their adult life.

In this case, one will be aware of what took place, but the information that they have won’t be of any use. In fact, what took place can just be seen as another reason why they don’t deserve to experience life differently.

The Bricks were laid

One of the reasons why their childhood years will have played a part in how they experience life as an adult is because this would have been a time when they formed a number of beliefs. The beliefs that they formed will define how they see themselves, others and how they see their own needs.

As the years passed, what they came to believe at one stage of their life would have ended up having a big impact on their reality at another. In order for them to change their life, they will need to take a step back and to look into what they believe.

The Foundations

When this takes place, they may find that they have some, if not all, of the following beliefs:

• That their needs are bad
• That their needs are shameful
• That they don’t deserve to have their needs met
• That they will be rejected if they reveal their needs
• That they will be abandoned if they reveal their needs
• That they will be harmed if they reveal their needs
• That they need to hide their needs in order to survive

The Truth

During their early years, they may have been made to feel that there was something wrong with their needs and it might not have been safe for them to reveal them. Now that they are an adult, though, they will no longer be living in that environment.

Thanks to the beliefs that they formed during this time, it can seem as though everything is still the same. For them to truly realise that what took place is in the past, they will need to become aware of the beliefs that they formed and to question them.


Another part of this can be for them to work through their emotional wounds and to resolve the trauma that is inside them. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Author's Bio: 

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, three hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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