One thing that early abuse and/or neglect can do is set someone up to have serious relationships problems as an adult. They could be used to having relationships that are dysfunctional.

Then again, it could be far worse, with them having had a number of relationships that were abusive. They will then have had a nightmare of a childhood, only for their adult years to be just as painful.


So if they can remember what their early years were like and their adult life is not much better, they could wonder when if it will ever end. It might seem as though this is just how their life is and that there is absolutely nothing that they can do to change it.

In fact, it might seem as though someone or something out there has it in for them. If they have this outlook, they might just do the best that they can tolerate what is going on.

The Connection

The ideal would be for them to take a step back and to see if what took place during their early years actually set them up to experience life in this way. What this would allow them to see is that it is not that they are a victim; it is that they came to believe things during this time, that have caused them to recreate a very similar experience as an adult.

While not being a victim will mean that they have control over their life, it doesn’t mean that this understanding will have a positive effect on them right away. The reason for this is that their mind may have become attached to his identity, which means that it won’t want to let it go even though it isn’t serving their personal evolution.

A Closer Look

Assuming that one is straight, they may have typically spent time with members of the opposite sex that are anything but loving and supportive. They may have even had moments when they felt extreme hate for every member of the opposite sex.

This could be how they feel when they are in a relationship and once a relationship has come to an end. There may have been a number of occasions when they said that they would never have another relationship.

Black and White

Due to the type of relationships that they have had and the people that they have had them with, it could be said that it won’t be a surprise if they believe that all members of the opposite sex are the same. They won’t have spent time with each and every one of them, but that won’t matter.

Their experiences will have told them this, so that will be the only thing that will matter. Unless they change what they came to believe when they were younger, it is highly unlikely that this area of their life will change.

The Building Blocks of Reality

What this comes down to is that one is not simply an observer of reality; they are playing an active part in what they experience. The trouble is that as what they believe about the opposite sex was formed very early on, they probably won’t even be aware of what these beliefs are.

Thanks to this, these beliefs will shape their experience but they won’t even know that this is what is taking place. The only thing that they will be aware of is the effects of what they believe, with what they experience being seen as just how life is.

From The Particular to the General

When they were a powerless and dependent child, their opposite sex parent may have treated them very badly. If it wasn’t their parent, it may have been another family member who harmed them.

The experiences that they had with this person would then have gone to on to define the experiences that they would have with every other member of the opposite sex, along with how they would see them. What would have played a part here is that their thinking brain most likely wasn’t online.

Keeping Their Childhood Alive

Due to what they went through as a child, they may have most, if not all, of the following beliefs:

• That the opposite sex can’t be trusted
• That the opposite sex wants to harm them
• That every member of the opposite sex is the same
• That every member of the opposite sex doesn’t like them
• That every member of the opposite sex hates them
• That every member of the opposite sex wants to take advantage of them
• That every member of the opposite sex is dangerous
• That every member of the opposite sex wants to humiliate them
• That every member of the opposite sex wants to control them
• That every member of the opposite sex wants to violate them

Moving Forward

When they were younger, these beliefs may have accurately reflected what was taking place. Nevertheless, now that they are an adult, these beliefs will be causing them to stay stuck in the past.

In order for their life to change and for them to see that not every member of the opposite sex is the same, they will need to bring these beliefs into the light and to question them. Another part of this process can be for them to work through the trauma that they experienced as a child.


If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for eternal support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Author's Bio: 

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, three hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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