​Child Abuse: Can Someone Get Angry At The Wrong People If They Don’t Get Angry At Their Parents?

One thing that someone can experience a lot of, after having been abused as a child, is anger and even rage. Given what they went through during this stage of their life, it could be said that this is to be expected.

They may have been violated on a weekly, if not daily, basis, and this would have meant that their boundaries were rarely, if ever, respected. Thus, the anger that they carry is simply there to notify them that they have been taken advantage of.

For Example

This could have been a time in their life when they were regularly hit and left alone. Or, it could have been a time when they treated like dirt and their body was touched inappropriately by at least one family member.

Conversely, all of the above may have taken place, meaning that they were violated on every level. Irrespective of what they went through, it is not going to be abnormal for them to have so much anger inside of them.

The Ideal

In order for them to do something about this anger, it will be essential for them to take a step back and to see what is going on; that is, of course, if they don’t already know. Said another way, they will need to see why they are carrying so much anger.

Once they do this, they will be able to see that it goes back to what happened when they were younger and to reach out for the right assistance. Dealing with this anger won’t happen overnight and this is why they will need to be patient and persistent.

One Layer

When they start to look at what is taking place inside them, they may soon find that the anger and rage that they experience is covering up a lot of deep pain. Underneath this anger, then, there can be a lot of the ‘softer’ feelings.

So: sadness, loss, rejection, betrayal, hopelessness, helplessness, worthlessness and powerlessness. This anger would have come about through being treated badly and now it will be there to stop them from having to come into contact with their deeper feelings.

Up and Down

Experiencing anger can allow one to feel strong and in control, yet if they were to let this go they would feel extremely vulnerable and as though they have no control. Still, while this won’t be an easy process, it will stop them from being controlled by their anger.

Through having this anger inside them for so long, they may even find that they have become addicted to feeling angry. Ergo, going to a deeper level will be hard, but it will serve them in the long-run.

Directing It in the Right Direction

If they were to work with a therapist or a healer, they might end up doing inner child work. This will then be a time when they will get in touch with the child part of themselves and to allow this part of them to be seen and heard.

Due to how unsafe they felt and how they were treated as a child, there is likely to be a lot of things that this part of them wants to say. This part of them will be angry at one or both of their parents and there will be other things that it wants to express.

Working through the Layers

By expressing the anger and getting to what is underneath the anger, one can begin to heal the child that is inside of them, or the children that are inside of them as there is likely to be more than just one child part. This can be something that needs to take place many, many times as there are likely to be many layers of pain inside them.

As there were probably many, many times during their early years when they felt violated, this makes perfect sense. Taking this into account, if one expects to let go of all this anger in one go they are likely to be in for a big surprise, and they may even waste a lot of money trying to rush something that can’t be rushed.

A Different Experience

However, while someone like this could end up stepping back and reaching out for support, they could also take a very different route. And this could be a route that someone who does reach out for support took for a long time before they were able to draw the line.

In this case, someone could spend a lot of time directing their anger at people and even institutions. As they are out of touch with the source of their anger, they can believe that they have every right to be as angry as they are.

Indirect Revenge

Without realising it, one will be drawn to different situations, circumstances, and events where they feel safe enough to express the anger that they didn’t feel safe enough to express as a child. From the outside, it might seem as though they have every right to get angry at something or someone and they may even be seen as someone who is committed to social justice, for instance.

But, behind their conscious reasons for being drawn to certain things will be a lot of deep pain that needs to be addressed. It won’t matter how much anger they express as the pain that keeps their anger alive will still be there.

Awareness

What this emphasises is how important self-awareness is as this will give one the ability to question why they do the things that they do. Without this, one will be controlled by their own inner wounds.

So, if one can see that they have been getting angry at the wrong people and they want to do something about this, it will be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This support can be provided by a therapist or a healer.