Have you ever realized that you drove to work and did not see the streets, didn’t pay attention to the construction that was going on because you were talking to yourself? Maybe you were talking about your job, or your marriage or your relationship. For example, if you were not happy with your present job, you may find yourself saying…” Gosh, I hate going to this job. I can’t wait until I find another. They past me up for promotion and didn’t give me the raise I think I deserve. My supervisor is so difficult to work with. I wonder why it’s so hard for me. Probably because my dad use to tell me…I think I should quit, that will show them. Shoot, I can’t do that; I have to pay my bills.” Or maybe your marriage conversation that highlights everything that is NOT the way you want it and everything that he/she is NOT doing or ought to be doing. Worse of all, is a conversation full of criticisms towards yourself...your health, weight, physical attributes, life and on and on.

It doesn't matter what the conversation is about, I want you to realize it's a “story”. It doesn’t matter if you tell it to yourself or to everyone who will listen, it is a story. In some instances it is a old story from the past or your prediction of a future situation. Unfortunately, you’ve probably been telling them unconsciously or very consciously and out loud, for so long that it no longer seems like a story and seems real. Yet it is a story; the commentary, interpretation and justification of the mind. Stories rarely are pure and factual.

The power of the story is that it is a good set up for being a good victim as it justifies and rationalizes why you’re right. Being right is the seductiveness of victimhood. It's all about how you didn't deserve it or how you're right and "they" are wrong. It also makes the situation worse, drains you of your power and energy for daily living and keeps you on the treadmill cycle or as a friend of mine would say, on the stationery bike going nowhere but constantly pedaling and looking backwards. Bottomline, the story serves to keep you stuck and stagnant. What if you changed your story thus change your life. How?

The fact is that behind every story, you have a feeling. That feeling is a vibration within you that attracts more of the same vibration. I actually think that on some level in your being, you know you have a feeling, and have told yourself it would be too much to feel the feeling, so you tell the story instead over and over and over again. What if you could feel the feelings behind the story? That would drop the story and allow you to change the story or create a new story.

For some, your story becomes how you identify yourself. This was true of a woman in a class I was facilitating last month. As we talked about forgiveness, she began to tell her story of what had happened when she was 19, even though she was 30. It was clear from the feeling of the story, the emotion it held as she told it, that she had so much feeling behind the story that she had not felt. I said to her, “You are not your story.” She paused and replied, “Well, what am I without my story?” That became the open door to change the story and begin to change her life.

Let me say, there is another aspect to this, which is the answer to her question, who are we without our story, but that’s another article for me to write. Suffice it to say, we are magnificent! Authentic pure expressions of the non physical energy of the universe I call Spirit, God, Creator, or the Divine.

However, in the class, I guided her to feeling her feelings to move the energy that was stuck. As she did, tears streamed down her face for the pain she had been carrying. Creating a safe space for her to experience her feelings created a shift, an opening for a new story. At the end of the class she was able to talk about the shift she felt within and how come she no longer wanted to tell that story. The charge had been taken off by the release of her tears.

We’ll talk about the person who hurt us or the person who betrayed us, or the job/supervisor, our mother, sister, etc. but won’t feel it. For so many of us it is easier to run from “feeling” the feeling(s) we have about the situations because they are SO strong and we think we can't handle them. So many people are walking around talking to each other “story to story” and wondering how come they don’t feel connected or a connection. The story is a smokescreen and it gets way too much attention. The truth is, you can handle the feelings and they won't annihilate or overwhelm you. When we feel our feelings we reclaim our power and step out of the victim role. When we reclaim our power, we have more of it for this present moment to create new experiences. Just think, if you have 40% of your power in the stories of the past and 40% in the stories of the future, that only leaves you 20% for the present moment.

It’s not always a “negative” story that holds us hostage. It could be an old positive story that no longer serves you as it worked then but, as circumstances and you have changed it is no longer applicable to the present situation.

I remember when I realized the story I was telling over and over to all my friends who would justify my “rightness” and how stuck I was in being a good victim. I realized that it left me drained and feeling powerless. Gradually I made the shift, but I first I felt my feelings. Then I decided to tell a better story; I started to see my part in the situation factually and began to dive in to the feelings without the story. Since feelings are just vibrations, as my feelings shifted, my vibration shifted and my life changed. I stopped recreating the same situations because I stopped telling(and feeling) the same way. I was able to raise my vibration so that new feelings, things, events and people could show up! First, I felt the feelings, dropped the story and so can you! When you change your story...you change your life.

Author's Bio: 

Rev. Jenenne Macklin, LCSW is a speaker, spiritual teacher and clinical therapist offering practical life solutions to empower you to move beyond your fears to live the life you choose. She ignites your courage to recognize your inner potential and create the life you really want. She combines years of clinical experience, spiritual wisdom and her personal journey to empowerment to inspire and uplift. www.jenennemacklin.com; www.purejoynow.com