Breaking the Groundhog Day Relationship Syndrome
How to Stop Attracting the Same Partner Over and Over Again

Roy Biancalana
Relationship Coach and Author

After a series of bad or unsatisfactory relationships, people often come to me for help being that I’m a Relationship Coach. They are hurting, confused and extremely frustrated. They tell me that their love life is like the movie Groundhog Day—each person they get involved with turns out to be just like the last one. Either the men are self-centered, emotionally unavailable and fearing commitment or the women are shallow, materialistic and carrying a ton of baggage.

They say, “Roy, I’m experiencing the same man or woman over and over again. They may look different on the outside, but in reality, they’re the same person. I’m sick of it. I want you to teach me how to use the Law of Attraction so that I can experience a fulfilling love life.”

Now, if you think they were confused and frustrated before, you haven’t seen anything yet. They look at me like I’m from Mars when I tell them, “You already are using the Law of Attraction.” Their face scrunches up and they grunt, “huh?” I continue. “Yes, not only are you already using the Law of Attraction, you’re always using it. There is never a time in your life that you aren’t. You cannot not use the law. It is at work in your life every second of every day whether you know it or not. Every single thing you are experiencing in your love life (and your professional life too for that matter) is the result of the Law of Attraction.”

The Law of Attraction means simply this: Like Attracts Like. It’s the law of magnetic reciprocity. It means that you, yourself, have a particular psycho-spiritual-emotional “shape,” much like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle. And you are always and only going to attract, match, fit, and have chemistry with, another “piece” that is reciprocally shaped like you. In other words, one that fits you. This is your reciprocal partner.

The game of tennis is another way of understanding this. In order to play the game effectively, you have to play with someone whose game is like yours. If you’re a good player and the person you’re playing with is a beginner, it won’t work, and vice versa. Sure, a good player can teach the game to a beginner, but the two of them can’t play each other. You have to be on a similar level.

It’s the same in your love life. The reason you keep attracting the same person over and over again is that your “shape” or your “game,” if you will, remains unchanged and therefore continues to fit the same kinds of people. You have zero chance of attracting a different kind of person.

Whether you are aware of it or not, the people you are attracted to, the people you feel chemistry with, are like you. You match and compliment one another. There’s a psycho-spiritual-emotional reciprocal compatibility. Like attracts like. They are on the same level; they play just like you. Like cookies and milk, pieces of a jigsaw puzzle or tennis partners, you go together.

Who you believe yourself to be, your state of consciousness, your deepest (and often unconscious) beliefs about yourself are magnetically at work attracting another person who sees themselves the same way. If you don’t love yourself, you’ll attract a partner that doesn’t love themselves. If you believe you’re worthless, empty or flawed, you’ll attract a partner who sees themselves as worthless, empty and flawed.

Why do you think abusers and abusees find each other? Why do people who over function in relationships (care-givers) attract under functioning (selfish) partners? Why do you think domineering men find subservient women? Do you think this kind of thing is a coincidence? Please. It’s the Law of Attraction.

Why do you think addicts attract enablers? Why do you think needy, clingy women attract men who are afraid of commitment? They GO together. They’re reciprocally compatible—like two pieces of a puzzle. This is the Law of Attraction and it’s always at work in your life. Like (who you are) Attracts Like (someone who perfectly matches you).

For the longest time, I was “Casanova” in my relationships. I took care of women. I spoiled them. I, therefore, attracted damsels-in-distress, women who needed to be taken care of. The hero-rescuer needs and attracts the needy, overwhelmed victim. They go together.

So your pain, disappointment and frustration with your love life has nothing to do with the men or women who’ve been a part of it! It’s not them. Brace yourself: It’s you. If your “shape” remains unchanged, you will always and only continue to attract the same kinds of partners. Groundhog Day will continue—eternally—unless you put your full attention on your personal evolution, on letting go of your fear-driven, false egoic self.

The only question is this: Are you going to use the Law of Attraction consciously or are you going to continue to be used by the Law unconsciously? Are you going to continue playing the victim, complaining and blaming your love life on the “fact” that there are no good men or women out there? Or are you willing to radically shift your inner state of consciousness, your level of psycho-spiritual-emotional development, which of course, leads to attracting a partner who fits this “new” you?

If you think the problem is them you’re not getting it. If you think you only need to make a vision board and feel into the kind of man or woman you want, you’re not getting it. If you’re exclusively relying on a list of qualities and characteristics you want in a partner, you’re not getting it. If you think you need to hang out in places where a higher quality of people frequent, you’re not getting it. If you think you need to change your appearance; if you think you need to understand the opposite sex better; if you think you need to master tips and techniques found in magazines like Cosmo or Men’s Health, you’re not getting it. THERE IS NO NEED FOR ANY OF THAT!

All that’s needed is a serious commitment to seeing yourself clearly. That is my definition of enlightenment, by the way—seeing yourself clearly. Ask yourself this: What has been your relationship M.O., your love life persona? What inner beliefs, patterns and commitments do you have to let go of? Your love life has been disappointing because you’ve been believing things about yourself that aren’t true. You’ve been stuck, albeit unconsciously, loving from a fictitious self. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to discover who you truly are.

In my experience, most of us need someone to support us in the journey to true Self understanding. I would love to be your guide, to help you wake up from the Groundhog Day dream in which you’ve been living.

Author's Bio: 

Roy Biancalana is a certified relationship coach and author. He works with single people who wish to consciously attract the love of their lives. For more info., visit his website: